Showtime

Posted Feb 4, 2011

Last night Sheri and I were on the phone watching our respective TV shows and she pipes in "I have an idea but I can't talk to you about it yet."

"Ohh no," I said, "you can't throw something like that out there and not follow through."

"Fine, I'll tell you during a commercial."

Minutes ticked by and I said "Are you avoiding telling me?  There has to have been a commercial by now!"

"Nope, not yet.  But fiiiinnnnne.  I was thinking the other day about how we write on After Ellen and I think that maybe we should write a treatment."

"...... a what?"

"A treatment.  Like a script.  Send it in to Showtime and see if there's any interest in developing a show about our lives."

"Really?"  I asked.  Because to us, we're boring.  Yes our beginning was full of conflict but now it's kind of....normal.

"Yeah, just think about it.  Picture girl meets girl, girl breaks up girl and boyfriend, girl and girl fall in love.  It can be set in a small petstore and shows us with all of our downtime, going to lunch every day and drinking through our tension.  I think it'd be great!"

I am the type of person that when you give me an idea that I like my brain goes into overdrive thinking about EVERYTHING that would need to be done.

"Well who would play our characters?  Would we change the names?  Sure we have enough in the beginning but do we have enough to continue it?  I mean this would have to be a series and we would have to maybe hire an agent and a lawyer to make sure we're not getting ripped off...."

"We haven't even written anything yet and already you're planning who will play our characters.....if need be we could get Sarah Shahi to play you!"  Sheri started giggling that giggle which means she's picturing sleeping with Sarah Shahi instead of me.

I pointed out "You are aware that 1) she's already on a show and 2) if she did play me that doesn't mean you get to sleeeep with her."

"I can imagine it!!"  She sing-songs.

Oh Lord.

So we laid there spouting off ideas.  Sheri says "Just think, how funny would it be if we had an episode about all the lunches we had at Uno's  Or throwing the football in the stock room.  OoH!  Ooooohh!  Or us going bowling!  And the more I drink the higher the ball goes."

"Yeah," I laughed, "the more beer you have you slow-pitch the bowling ball down the lane."

And of course when it was my turn her staring at my ass.  Let's never leave out staring at my ass.

"Come on!"  She said.  "Getting rolled up on by the cops in the back of the Durango!"

"Which time?!"  I interjected.  I don't know if we've written about that...but it's happened....a lot.  We've been caught by cops, security guards, random dudes AND kids who were snowboarding down a snowbank in a parking lot we were in. 

Or about how it NEVER fails that wherever we used to park there would be a street lamp shining into my eyes as I laid in the back while she was going down on me.  I'd be trying to moan with pleasure while squinting and holding my hand up to block the light. 

Sexy.

I had an epiphany while peeing.  "You do realize that they may try to buy us out, right?  That they could change the story?"

"And?  So we get millions of dollars for it and walk away rich."

"Ooorr, we stay on board and they consult with us.  I'd rather continue to write the series rather than just get one lump sum in the beginning and then watch them completely change the story.  We could earn royalties or something like that."  I drifted off into my happy place.  "I'd pay off my student loans, pay off my parents' house and pay for any medical bills and treatments for my father and my sister." 

"Well there goes all of your money," Sheri interrupted.

"I'd set up college funds for my nieces and nephew.  I'd buy my sisters and myself a house, pay off my brother's house...." I prattled on.

"Now you're dipping into my money!"  Sheri exclaimed.  "I'd probably pay off my house and make sure the girls' college funds are set up.  And I'd buy myself a Porche.  Other than that I don't know what else I'd do."

"I don't think I'd buy a car.  I like my Mazda 3.  If anything maybe I'd just put in a sunroof."

"No," Sheri said while starting to laugh, "you can buy a Mazda 6.  Ooo you're moving up in the world!  I get a Porche and you buy a Mazda 6!"

We got off the phone shortly thereafter and I went to sleep with a smile on my face thinking of the possibilities.

What do you guys think?  From what you've read if we were to make a show about it, would you watch it?