Better Put a Ring On It

Well, this was unexpected.

 

 

Sheri and I had a very lovely Saturday last week.  We did our typical shopping around and went from store to store holding hands or having our arms snaked around another.  We're furniture shopping for her bedroom and living room so we were chattering away about what will look good, and what stores have just hideous furniture.  We went to an early lunch at the deli we used to eat at all the time when we worked together and looked out the window and talked about my father who is not doing well.

We stopped at some other stores so I could pick up more Christmas gifts for Hannah and Jillian.  I was walking through the store holding up my conquests shouting "BEST STEPMOTHER EVER!"  Sheri was laughing walking beside me.  We finally migrated back to my apartment where we were to spend the rest of the afternoon like growths on my couch before we went to our annual Christmas Ruth's Chris Steakhouse dinner.

We hunker down and I have my laptop on my lap trying to load a program.  I hear her sniffling next to me but I'm not paying any attention to it.  I figure she's sniffling because her cat allergy is flaring up since I had just cleaned.  She was sucking on mini pretzels and complaining about how she's so stressed and all she does is eat when she's stressed.  I barely look over to her and ask "What are you stressed about?"

She doesn't answer me and I shrug and go back to the loading game and figure it's either be about money or the college process we're going through with Hannah.  She wipes her hands on her pants and stands up and walks over to her coat that's hanging over on the back of my desk chair.  Again, I am barely even paying attention to her and thought she was getting up just to get a wet paper towel for her itchy eyes.

She says something to me that I don't quite make out and when I look up she's standing there with a red box in her hand and she has tears welled in her eyes.  She sits down next to me and is shaking like a leaf so badly she can barely open the box and when she finally does she puts it on the laptop right on front of me.  She can't even form words and when she does she says "Yes, that is what you think it is."

In all honesty I thought it was another promise ring.

I stared at the ring gleaming back at me and I was trying to process what this was, what it meant, and holy shit, she is asking me to marry her!

I am not your typical girl.  I did not have your typical reaction.  I didn't shout "YES!  YES YES YES YES!" and hold out my finger for her to put it on.  Now looking back I don't even think I was breathing.  And then I cried.  I looked at her anxious expression with tears streaming down her face and I put my head in my hands and bawled.  My heart was pounding out of my chest, I felt heat creeping through every inch of my body, and I unsuccessfully tried to quell the panic rising into my throat.  All I could think was What am I going to tell my parents?

I'm sure this was not going according to her plan.  And I had the same initial reaction to when she gave me my promise ring three years ago.  Panic and dumbfoundedness.

This was quickly becoming that same situation all over again.  I kept looking at her, trying to catch my breath all the while she is watching me.  She says "Here, at least let me put it on."  Mind you I haven't even spoken a word yet and I think if I let her put it on, that means I'm saying yes.  Wait, AM I saying yes?  We've talked about this.  We've talked about our future and moving forward.  I want this, right?  Yes, I do want this.  Oh my God, this is going to kill my parents.
She worries that I don't like the ring.  The flood gates open and she starts rambling "If you don't like it I can return it.  I thought it might be too small, but I don't think so.  And I've had it for months, I've been paying it off.  Hannah and Jillian helped me pick it out.  And I told Susie in October at Katie's wedding.  She told me that you love your promise ring but it always snags your clothes and I better not get anything that snags your clothes!  And Luis knows.  I told him.  And Kaersten knows.  So do Wendy and Lori.   I showed them last night.  I was asking everyone for their input on how to do this.  I was going to do it when we went into the city.  I was going to propose on the top of the ferris wheel in Toys R Us, or at the Top of the Rock at Rockefeller Center.  But then I thought, oh I can't do this in public, what if it goes very very bad?  And then Wendy suggested I do it somewhere that means something to us, that's comfortable.  So I was going to do it tonight right before we left for dinner.  I was going to hide your promise ring and when you went to look for it I was going to open the box and say 'Maybe you could wear this one instead.'  But while we were sitting here my heart started to pound and I was about to be sick.  I knew I couldn't wait another four hours.  And by seeing how hard you're crying now I'm really glad I didn't do it in public or waited until tonight.  I wanted to do it in October when we were in Philadelphia but I didn't want to take away from Katie's wedding.  And then everything happened, the hurricane, and everything with your father.  And.....and I thought to do it now because I thought you needed something good in your life."

She finally takes a breath and asks cautiously,  "Do you like it?"

I slowly nod, trying to comprehend.  I look down at my left finger that is now home to this engagement ring.  And I start to cry again because I will miss my promise ring.  My promise ring has been worn every day for the past 3 years and I loved it.  I never got tired of looking at it, I never got tired of twisting it to catch the light so I can see the glint of the diamond.  And now I wasn't going to wear it anymore.  I get overly attached to my possessions and this would be no different.  I felt like it was going to be sad that I no longer had a purpose for it, that I no longer had a use for it.  I looked up at her while she dabbed her eyes and said "It truly is beautiful."

I started to calm down when I realized this wasn't going to change anything.  This didn't mean we had to get married any time soon (or at all-we may be one of those couples who are engaged forever).  I never thought marriage was in our cards.  I said as much.  She exclaimed "But it's all you've been talking about for months!  All of these subtle hints about wanting to get married!  You even had our sims get engaged!"

I did.  I did talk about it a lot.  And I did ring shop a bit.  And I did think about it.  But I never in a million years actually thought it would happen.  Especially not now.  Her timing is less than stellar with everything going on with my father, but I understand why she said that she wanted there to be something happy as well during the time of so much sadness.  And I think that is so incredibly sweet that all she wants to do is try to make me happy, to try and be my bright spot throughout all of this.

After we calmed down I snuggled into her and kissed her.  I whispered "Well hello there, my fiance!"

She laughed and said "Oh God!  That's going to take some getting used to!"

Later while I was getting ready for dinner I joked about how she didn't even get down on one knee.  She looked at me and said "If I had done that you would have been going 'what are you doing?  Why are you on your knee.  Please get up, PLEASE stand up!'"  I laughed and said "Yeah, you're right.  You can do it now though! Now I'm expecting it."  So she got down on one knee, I handed her the ring back, and she proposed the right way (and I responded the right way).

We went to dinner where I played with the ring and we talked about how we could combine our last name.  And when we got home my eyes flashed with excitement and asked "should I call my friends?"  So we got my three best friends on speaker phone and I did a whole schpiel about getting together so I could...show them my engagement ring!  H and K gasped (and H threatened me with bodily harm if she is not a bridesmaid), and S faked gasped since she already knew about it.

After I hung up the phone with Susie I was looking at my feet and I choked out  "Thank you.  I never thought that I would get to do that.  After Katie called me back in June to tell me she was engaged I cried so hard thinking that this will never be me.  And now it is.  And I feel so...normal.  Thank you for giving this to me."  She wrapped me in her arms and we laid there on my couch.  My fiance and me.

But yes.  We are engaged.  I woke up to a text one morning from Sheri that said "Good morning my beautiful fiance."  And I smiled.  Which is good.  Because at least I didn't cry and panic.

Birthdays and Weddings

 This past birthday has been by far the best one in memorable history.  I really like this tradition that Sheri and I have started about going away for my birthdays.  This year was also extremely special because it was also the wedding weekend of my oldest and closest friend.

I was excited when months ago my friend called me to let me know that they were going to hold their wedding on the same day as my birthday.  I knew that this would be amazing to be able to spend my birthday with the love of my life and my two closest girlfriends. 

We only knew small details going into this weekend, like the ceremony was going to be small and quick on Friday evening while the reception would be held on Saturday.  We packed up my car early Friday and drove two hours to Philadelphia through torrential rain.  We checked into our beautiful hotel and snuggled in for a quick nap.  Unfortunately birthday sex was ruled out this weekend since I was sick and Aunt Flo decided to pay her visit.  We got settled into our room and decided to go grab lunch somewhere around our hotel.  We had spied the Hard Rock Café right across the street so we decided to eat there.

We got settled and looked at the menu and Sheri announced very happily that she was going to have a beer with lunch.  Our waitress came over and I asked what kind of birthday specials they had, if any.  She said that they didn’t have any specials but they had drinks that people tend to order.  She pointed out the Bahama Mama (rum please!) so I ordered that in a keeper glass (for prosperity sake).  When our drinks came out we toasted to a wonderful weekend and immersed ourselves in conversation and a little booty shaking.  Well, I did the booty shaking.  If we’re somewhere, anywhere, and there’s music playing (especially the Hard Rock Café) I will do a little dance in my chair to make Sheri laugh.  I will do the cauldron, I’ll do the shopping cart or even pump my fists really fast.  I realize that I look like a special person being the only one in the restaurant who’s getting her groove on, but as long as the woman that’s across from me is laughing I will carry on like a buffoon. 

We finished our lunch and of course Sheri wanted dessert.  She ordered a small chocolate sundae and we sat back to digest a bit.  The waitress comes out and sets down Sheri’s ice cream in front of her and in front of me she has a smaller sundae with a candle sticking out.  She smiles and takes out a lighter to light the candle and asks how old I’m turning.  I tell her 29, she then asks my name so I tell her Jennifer, and all of a sudden she shouts “HEY EVERYONE!!  I NEED YOUR ATTENTION!  THIS IS JENNIFER AND IT’S HER 29^TH BIRTHDAY!!”  The entire restaurant starts whooping it up and she motions for me to stand.  At this point I’m mortified and I slowly stand to the hoots and hollers and I do what I do when I’m embarrassed…I bow.  She gets the entire restaurant to shout happy birthday and I blow out the candle and sit back down as red as my maraschino cherry. 

We dug into our ice cream as I mused over what triggered that.  Sheri grins devilishly at me at says “Do you think that was by accident?”

“No, I figured it was because I asked her about birthday specials.”

Her grin got slyer as she slowly shook her head no.

I was slow to catch on.  “Did you do this?”  She broke out into on full on smile at this point.  “But how?  I was sitting here the whole time.  When did you tell them it was my birthday?”

“I have my ways.”

“You’re so sneaky!”  I said.  “When did you do this?”

 “I have to keep some things secret,” she stated triumphantly. 

Turns out she called the hotel days prior to find out what restaurants were around.  She then called the HRC, let them know we’d be there for my birthday.  I asked how they knew it would be for me.  It wasn’t as if she had some secret hand signal to let them know we arrived.

Sneak.  She knew it would make me happy, and she was right.

After lunch we walked across the street hand in hand and back up to our hotel room.  We snuggled in for a quick nap then started getting ready.  I love showering with her because all we do is laugh.  Bathtubs are far too small for both of us to maneuver together so one of us will be clean and the other soapy and when we try to wiggle past we’ll get the other one soapy all over.  There will be elbows to the head, stepping on toes, and rubbing our butts together and laughing.  A few times we yell out “ROTATE!”  and shuffle past one another trying not to slip out of the tub.

We got dressed and I buried my nose into her neck to breathe in her perfume.  We grabbed a taxi that took us to the restaurant and the confusion started.  We walked in, saw my friend’s parents and said hello.  They ushered us to a separate part of the restaurant that was only open to use where we saw a few rows of chairs 3 chairs wide placed around the small room.  Sheri kept looking around with her eyes wide and mumbling “I…is this where the wedding is?  Is this where we’re eating afterwards?  I have no idea what’s going on here.”  I kept giggling and telling her to hush.  A few of my other friends walked in, one that I haven’t seen in 7 + years with her Aussie boyfriend.  Sheri and the boyfriend got on like a burning house and I knew immediately that we were going to have a wonderful time.  Then my other best friend and her husband came in and I gave them a big hug.  We were standing around the room which was lined with shelves of merchandise and a cooler full of drinks.  I was absolutely parched and didn’t have any gum so I whispered to Sheri to snag me a small bottle of water.  She looked right, then left, then discreetly reached her arm back and grabbed a water and gave it to me.  I turned my back to the room and drank the water like I was taking a hit off of a bong. 

We saw the groom, a bunch of their friends enter the room.  In all there may have been about 30 or 40 of us.  We were all standing around, shifting our weight from side to side not knowing exactly what to do.  Then we heard my friend’s voice from the hall and knew we had to take our seats.  Sheri kept leaning in to me and said “Who’s officiating the ceremony?”  I shrugged because I didn’t know.  I didn’t get that close of details.  We see the groom standing at the front of the room right by the restaurant window.  People were walking by on the busy street looking in and smiling.  We hear someone clear their throat and turn to see my friend and her father walking down the…well, aisle I would guess you would call it…it was an aisle made by the chairs.  I had to stifle a laugh because there was no music or anything so there was nothing to set the tempo of the walk.  The poor father was being dragged by his daughter who was nearly sprinting towards her almost husband.  I smiled widely at how beautiful my friend looked.  She met her fiancé up at the front of the room and was squeaking “I don’t want to cry but I am already!!”

Sheri and I were still waiting for someone to stand up and welcome us all there, but that didn’t happen.  My friend turned to us and they thanked everyone for joining them on their very non-traditional wedding.  My eyes were still grazing the limited audience when they launched into their joint vows.  Sheri and I exchanged very confused looks when after their list of promises they placed the ring on each other’s fingers and then kissed.  I had ???? over my head when they turned to us and said “Yay!! We’re married!”

Sheri leaned in to me and chuckled.  She said “You know in Tangled when Flynn Ryder is battling the horse with the frying pan?  Well that’s how I feel right now.  I’m so confused!” 

I elbowed her to hush while a knowing chuckle was in my throat.  I leaned forward to my other best friend and asked “Do you have any idea what just happened?”

She smiled and said “They had a Quaker ceremony.  They were able to marry each other without an officiator.”

Ahhhhh, that made sense.  I had no idea you could even do that but I’m glad that I now know.  Who knows, maybe one day Sheri and I will do that.

I gave my newly married best friend a hug and we took a few pictures.  We made our way back to the private dining room where we carried on 3 hours of wonderful conversation with our friends, newly formed and old.  It was around 9:30 and my head was POUNDING from being so tired and still getting over being sick so Sheri and I made our way back to the hotel.

10:30 we were in bed.  3:30 am I was still wide awake.  I must have rolled the snorer over at least 8 times throughout the night just wishing for her to be quiet long enough so I could fall asleep.  I was so tired, and I knew Saturday was going to be a very, very long day.  I must have drifted off at some point and was able to get about 5 hours of sleep.

Saturday was one of the best days we had in a while.  Sheri pulled me into the shape of her body and we snuggled for a bit before we got up.  We had a wonderful breakfast at a farmer’s market and then set off on our adventure.  When I found out we’d be in Philly the entire weekend I told her all I wanted to do for my birthday was go to the Aquarium that’s down there.  I hadn’t been to this aquarium in nearly 20 + years since my parents took me when I was a little girl.  We climbed into my car and made our way over the bridge connecting PA and NJ.  The Aquarium was only about 5 minutes away from our hotel and soon we were parked. 

We could not have asked for better weather.  The aquarium was right on the other side of the Delaware River and even for mid-October it was warm enough to not need a jacket.  There was not a cloud in the sky and the breeze was warm off the river.  We walked through each exhibit holding pinkies.  Oooing and aaahing at the beautiful marine life.  It was bigger and better than she expected and was quite impressed.  We saw tons of sharks, I touched sting rays – I tried to get Sheri to touch them but she refused.  I kept telling her they feel like wet leather, daring her to take a risk.  She was happy enough snapping pictures of me petting the rays.  I squealed when we saw the hippos.  The penguins didn’t want to come out and play, and a shark photo bombed our photo in the underwater tunnel through the shark tank.

After we were done with the aquarium we ventured back into Philly when our stomachs told us it was lunch time.  I suggested we go to Geno’s Steaks, one of the famous stands to get a cheesesteak for lunch.  We held hands as I slowly navigated the narrow streets of the city.  We got lucky and found a spot close and I wowed her with my parallel parking skills.  We stood at the crux of the street where Geno’s Steaks is on one corner and Pat’s Famous Cheesesteaks were on the other.  These two restaurants have been featured in numerous food war shows on different food networks and travel channels.  I ordered our steaks like a pro and we ate while watching the kids play basketball on the city court.

When lunch was over we strolled back to the car.  It was still early in the day and the sun was high in the sky.  Sheri grabbed my hand and asked “Do you want to go for a horse and carriage ride?”  Seeing as it was only around 2 PM and the reception didn’t start for another 6 hours I jumped at the chance.  Normally when we’re on vacation it consists of numerous naps and not really leaving the hotel room.  I was ecstatic that we were actually spending the day experiencing everything Philly had to offer.

We dropped the car off at the hotel and walked down the street to Center Philly where the museums and the Liberty Bell was.  Along the street several carriages were lined up with horses waiting to take tourists for a ride.  We picked a beautiful brown and white horse with a very nice gentleman that wooed us to his services.  He helped us up into the carriage and we snuggled in together and he took our picture.  I would have posted it, but Sheri was in mid-sentence because she likes to be a punk like that.   We were tugged forward and the horse started clip-clopping down the cobble stone street of Philadelphia. 

The tour was over in twenty minutes and we stopped at Dairy Queen to get a small ice cream treat before we went back to the hotel.  It was around 4:30 when we got back so we still had plenty of time to spoon and watch some TV.

After a few hours of lazing around I hopped in the shower and we started to get ready.  We arrived to the venue right at 8 and sat with our friends again.  It was again very unique and non-traditional.  There was no first dance, no announcing the husband and wife, no cake cutting, no bouquet tossing.  And to be honest, I LOVED it.  I grew up with nothing but traditional weddings and I always felt pressure that this is how it had to be.  It was a breath of fresh air to be at something that was so uniquely theirs and gives me ideas about what mine and Sheri’s wedding would be like. 

We had SO much fun.  All I did was dance with my friends and scream out the songs.  Sheri refuses to dance so she sat at the table watching me on the dance floor.  I love watching her watch me dance.  She said that when she watches me dance she thinks That’s right, I’m taking her home.  I lose myself when I dance, hopping and jumping and shaking and moving.  Later in the night when I was in the bathroom I had a few of the other guests say about how I’m a good dancer.  One of the girls slurred “You are sooo good!  Here, here’s a sunflower for you.  It matches your dress and you should have it.”  I thought it was so sweet because I feel like I’m a spaz on the dance floor but apparently this white girl has some moves.

It was right before midnight and we had to take our leave.  We gave my friend a big hug and I told her that I loved her and was so thrilled that she was so happy.  We walked hand in hand down a deserted Philadelphia block back to the hotel soaking up the warm night air.  I took a shower and crawled into bed and Sheri opened her arms to wrap around me.  My stomach hurt from jumping around so much and being so exhausted so her fingers lightly traces circles over my belly and she gave me small kisses on my shoulder and my neck.  In that moment I felt safe and so much love that the only thing I could do was to press myself up against her more. 

I drifted off to sleep quickly and slept through the night.  We awoke bright and early and packed my car and headed back home where I had my hand on her leg as we drove in silence with the windows open.  I watched Philadelphia disappear in my rearview mirror and knew that this city holds the memories for one of, if not the best, vacations we have ever had together.

Boston Booty

The trip last weekend to Boston was fun.  It was a little chilly and rainy, but nothing horrible.  We saw Boston University (Hannah didn’t like it-no actual Campus), Harvard (liked it, but doesn’t meet requirements) and Northeastern (loves it, going back again for a formal visit). 

It is no secret that I am adventurous, I love doing new things and going places.  I have come to expect resistance from Sheri.  She is a very plain, stick-to-what-you-know woman.  What I wasn’t expecting was the same attitude from Hannah.  From the moment we got there all she did was complain that she was tired, she was cold, she was hungry, or she was in pain. 

On Sunday while trying to find Harvard we got stuck in the traffic of this gigantic street fair.  There were some 40 different street performers/bands marching down to Harvard Square that we watched in awe as they went by.  We were all hungry but everyone was so jam packed that it was hard to walk around.  There was tent after tent of food set up and I had no problem finding something I wanted to eat because I’m not picky.  But every time you asked Hannah what she wanted she would do the exasperated teenager sigh “I DON’T KNOW!  I DON’T CARE!”

I don’t remember being so annoyed at the world when I was a teenager. 

Me?  I just loved being there.  I was embracing the culture and the atmosphere and the pure energy in the air.  The two of them?  Walking along with scowls on their faces like this was the biggest inconvenience in the world.

I knew that the idea of Sheri and I going out on the town was not going to happen when I realized that our hotel was 20 minutes outside of Boston.  I thought we were staying IN Boston.  We didn’t end up getting out of dinner Saturday night until nearly 9 and let’s face it, we were just too tired and Sunday was going to be a long day.  And then I knew wasn’t going to happen Sunday night because we weren’t going to be in Boston, leave Boston to get ready, then go back.  I was aggravated.  I was pouty and I just wanted to be with Sheri and have a good time and relax and not worry about anything.  But we ended up going to dinner at a restaurant that we have home (even though I made a strict no-chain-restaurant rule).  I ended up throwing such a temper tantrum that when we got back from dinner Hannah was trying to coax us to go to the hotel bar.  I initially agreed since it was a compromise, we got to go to the bar AND it was in our hotel.  But when we walked into the room and Sheri kicked off her shoes and laid down across the bed because she was tiiirreeeddd I kind of lost my shit.

I stormed into the bathroom and locked myself.  Sheri was on the other side of the door going “Baby, if you want to have a drink, we’ll go to the hotel bar for a few.  Come on.  I’ll put my shoes on.”

I looked at myself in the mirror all dolled up in my going out clothes and just got angrier.  Sheri is not a drinker which is fine but she gives me that side-glance like Ugh, can’t we have dinner without you ordering a glass of wine?

I don’t like being looked at like I’m a drunkard, which she calls me, because I enjoy a drink or two with dinner.  I wasn’t asking her to go out and get sauced.  I wanted for once us to be somewhere and not have to worry about driving.  I wanted to see her kick back and relax.  I wanted to experience something with her.  And fine, you don’t want to have a drink?  That’s your prerogative, but don’t look down at me because I want one.

Knowing that she would have made me feel like an alcoholic if we went to the hotel bar I scrubbed off my make up while she jiggled the handle.  “Come on, let me in.”

I turned on the water to the shower and I heard “Oh Han, she’s getting in the shower!”  “Come on, open the door!”

Already naked I opened the door a crack and poked my head around.  “Can I help you?”

“Ooohh, you’re naked.”

“Yes, because I’m going to take a shower.”

“So you don’t want to go to the hotel bar?” she asked.

“No,” I said as I closed and locked the door again.

I was acting like a child.  I’ll admit it.  I was just so annoyed that nearly every time I get my hopes up for something I end up just being disappointed.  Sheri’s solution is to not get my hopes up and then there ya go, no let down.  If I don’t expect anything good to happen, when something does, I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Sorry love, this chica doesn’t roll like that. 

I got out of the shower and wrapped my hair in a towel and silently put on my pajamas, grabbed my kindle, and crawled into bed.

At 8 PM.

I read my book while Sheri watched something inane on the TV.  Hannah was all out of sorts and locked herself in the bathroom to skype with her friends and do homework.  I kept sighing loudly hoping to trigger some sort of conversation.

To be honest, I wasn’t above getting dressed again and going to the bar but I knew that idea was a shot in the dark.

After nearly 20 minutes of silence I slammed my book down on my lap and looked at the clock and said “Seriously?? It’s 8:20 and we’re in bed.”

Sheri rolled her head to look at me and said “Well yeah.  It’s been a long day and I’m tired.”

“You’re always tired,” I grumbled.

And I could not tell you how, but the next thing I knew she was on top of me making me laugh.  She kissed me softly once.  She pulled her head back and stared into my eyes, smirked, and kissed me again a little harder.  I giggled and whispered “Hannah is right in the bathroom!”

With her mouth on my neck she mumbled into my ear “And?  She’s doing homework and chatting.  She has no idea what’s going on out here.”

And just like that we were rolling around and kissing passionately.  I giggled and started to move into one of our positions.  She smiled knowingly and ripped off her underwear and opened her arms for me.  I pushed my own underwear and shorts down to my knees and our fingers feverishly found each other and made quick work of a tricky situation.  Less than a minute later my mouth clamped down around hers to muffle her moans.  She rolled on to her back gasping for air as I trailed little kisses around her ear. 

Wanting more, and knowing the full risk of the situation, I pulled up my shorts and underwear but quickly sat up on my knees and placed them on either side of her head.    I pulled them over to one side with my hand while being ready to launch off in case we heard the door knob start to turn.  It didn’t take long before I was biting my lip to keep from screaming out.

Panting, we resumed our spots in bed.  Sheri turned her back to me and I wiggled up behind her.  The teaspoon to the ladle as she says it.  My fingers were tracing up and down her arm, her hip, her leg.  I reached my hand around and slipped a finger underneath the waistband of her underwear and felt that she was even more ready than before.  She rolled on to her back to give me easier access as I plunged two fingers deep.  Before I knew it she was again shimming out of her underwear and pulling mine down as well.  My fingers moved fast and I felt her tighten around me as I had to quiet her again. 

Proud of myself, I smirked and went back to my side of the bed and picked up my kindle and resumed reading.  On TV was a comedian special for Jeff Dunham that we laughed along with for a minute or so before the bathroom door flew open and Hannah came storming out.  “Do you know why I’m so cranky and tired?  It’s because I haven’t taken my iron pill!”  She shouted and disappeared in a flurry back into the bathroom.

Sheri gave me a look and said “I need to eat you.”

I hushed her and said “You did already.”

“No, properly.”

“But what if she comes out again?”

“She won’t.  She’ll be in there for a while.”

I laid on my back and wiggled out of my underwear and Sheri crawled her way over to me.  She threw the sheets and comforter up over her head and was already positioned between my legs when much to my dismay the bathroom door soared open again and Hannah stomped out.  I quickly covered Sheri’s head with the quilt and Hannah froze and screamed to her friend “EWWW, I JUST WALKED IN ON MY MOM AND JEN HAVING SEX!”  and locked herself back in the bathroom .

I lifted the covers and shrugged.  “As long as you’re down there, might as well finish what you started.”

Poor Hannah.  Thank goodness she’s well adjusted.  Any other teenager would have been scarred for life.  That one was cracking jokes about it the next day. 

So I guess it ended up not being a total wash out of a night.  I’m glad we stayed in.

Baby Talk

Recently the conversation for us having a baby has been thrown wide open.

Sheri knows I’m pretty hard up to have a kid within the next few years.  I’m going to be 29 in two weeks and I would like to see a 5 year plan of us living together and getting pregnant.  I’m no spring chicken and I don’t think I can afford to wait much longer.  I don’t want to put myself or my child at risk and wait until I’m in my late 30s to have my first child.  What if I want a second one?

For a while we were on two different pages in two different books.  When we first started dating she would glow when she would talk about us having a baby together.  5 years ago when I traveled to Memphis for the first time she drunkenly told me she wanted to knock me up with a turkey baster. 

As years passed and she’s getting older the idea of having another baby lost its luster.  She’s 46, her oldest is going to college next year and her youngest is 10.  She sees her children getting older as her chance to finally be free.  She sees them as more independent and able to fend for themselves especially now that her oldest has a license.  But my idea of having a baby throws a monkey wrench in her plan of being free.

I have to remind her it’s possible to travel with a child.  Or worse comes to worse, there are always aunts  and grandparents.  I would have no problem leaving my child with my mother.  In fact, I’d encourage it.  My sister leaves her son with my mother a few times a month so that she and her husband can go on date nights and not have to worry about babysitters or rushing home to take care of their son.

Anyways.  Last night while I was mulling around my apartment on the phone with Sheri filling her in on the latest conversation my sister and I had, she said something that made me very excited.  She said “I hope that when we have a baby that your mother isn’t going to try to tell us how to raise it.  I will have to remind her that I’ve already raised two children, I know how to do this.”

“I don’t think my mother will tell us how to raise it.  And if she did say something she’d say it out of concern since it would be my first child.”

“Yes, but I’ve raised two.  I will be there to help you.”

It made my heart soar.  Let me tell you.

I can’t wait to be in Boston with her this weekend.  Unfortunately it’s going to rain the entire time we are there but I’m still looking forward to it.  She has been saying “I just want to walk around Boston with you.”

I think I might have to buy some rain boots for Boston.  

Summer Lovin

Had me a blast.

As most of you know from our facebook update Sheri and I spent AN ENTIRE WEEK together in mid-August.  I know also that most of you will be surprised to learn that this is the first time in all of our years together that we spent this many consecutive days together.  It's amazing that we're both still standing.

We had plans in place for almost every day of the week that we (and by we I mean I) was looking forward to.  I've been harping her for years that I wanted to go Deep Sea Fishing and she made the mistake of saying once "Maybe when you stay in August."  The instant I received that text I started to look for charter boats and schedules and where we would sail out of.  She wanted that idea to fall by the wayside as her idea of fun is not sitting on a boat, on the ocean, at the asscrack of dawn.

To me, there was nothing better.

She tried to back out of it a few times, she complained and stomped her feet like a four year old who isn't getting her way.  I told her to suck it up, we NEVER do anything I want to do and this falls in line with our conversation that we had back in July about how she needs to put in a mother-effin effort.

Let me rewind a bit.

She took her mother and her youngest daughter down to her brother's Monday afternoon.  I came up Monday night straight from work and settled myself in for a long week's stay.  We didn't do much.  Why?  Because Mother Nature and God teamed up (the jokesters that they are) and gave us both our periods at the same time.  I actually have no recollection of what we did Monday night.

Oh!  We went to Hooter's for dinner.  With her teenage daughter.

Parenting win.

Nothing like beer and boobies with a 17 year old.  Hannah kept grumbling and Sheri kept saying "This was your idea!  You suggested this!"

And she'd wave her hands and exclaim "As a joke!  You weren't actually supposed to take me here!"  She's a feminist and all and for women's rights and thought Hooters is one of the most demeaning places a woman could work.  I, however, kept thinking with my rack I'd make a killing!

We settled in Monday night and snuggled up next to her in bed.  I knew I probably wouldn't have ended up staying there because you all know Sheri is a snorer.

She did not disappoint.

I tried, guys.  I gave it an honest effort.  I rolled over and saw 3:02 glaring at me and knew that I needed some sleep so I dramatically flung the covers off of me and collected my 12879823498 pillows and fan and stalked down to her youngest daughter's room.  I hunkered down and was in drool-town within a matter of minutes.

Tuesday we did some running around.  We had to go to my apartment Tuesday morning to give my feline her heart medicine (I left her at the apartment since my mother was supposed to take her for the week but my parents were having construction done in the house and couldn't) and to also pack some more stuff.

Annddd...couldn't tell you what we did the rest of Tuesday.  Nope.  Not a clue what we did.  So fast forward to Tuesday night and again I tried to fall asleep next to Sheri but the snoring was so bad and I was so uncomfortable (her bed is like sleeping on a cement slab) that I didn't even try to fight it.  I just got up and crawled back into her daughter's bed.

Wednesday was...FISHING DAY!  Being so exhausted from not sleeping well for two days 4:30 am came around awfully fast.  I was sleeping on my back, dead to the world, when I felt a hand on my belly softly shake me.  I heard a voice whisper "Baby" and when I cracked open my eyes her face was inches from mine.  It scared the ever living shit out of me to be woken like that and I started flailing around.  Since I was woken in such an alarming matter, I was wide awake immediately.  I was running up and down the hallway  talking about how much fun we'd have on the boat and catching all the fish.

5:30 on the dot we were on the road.  We were the only souls, it was still dark out and the sky was just started to fade from black to crimson red.  I kept glancing to the East to marvel at the sunrise (which probably wasn't smart since I was driving).

After stopping for breakfast we pulled into the Marina a little before 7 and boarded the boat.


We (and I mean I) were seriously excited.  Sheri's totally faking it.  That big faker.

We got under way and I felt completely at peace out on the open ocean.



I was one of the first people to catch a fish



I did not keep him, I threw him back.  I cannot say for all of those people behind me though.  Fish killers.

I ended up catching 5 fish throughout the day.  Sheri caught none.  She kept complaining how bored she was and totally killing my buzz but I did not let her ruin my day.

The best part of the trip (for her) was on the way back into port we saw a shark and a whale.


(Don't mind me.  Just sayin hi)

It was probably the coolest thing I've ever seen.  I would have never thought that off the Jersey Coast there would be a whale.

The rest of Wednesday was quiet as we were both wiped out.  When we got home we hunkered down and spent the rest of the day in bed.  It was probably a combination of being exhausted and being out in the hot sun all morning but Wednesday night I finally got to fall asleep next to Sheri.  It wasn't a good night's sleep, but at least I got to sleep next to her.

Thursday was more of the same lazing around.  No.  We did yardwork.  Yes, that's what you do on vacation.  Yardwork.  But we did have dinner with her niece and her husband Thursday night and had such a good time.  AND it was another night I got to sleep next to her!

Friday was our annual BBQ with her friends that went off without a hitch.  Well, minus her one friend that decided it was more important to go on a last minute date for a booty call than come to our BBQ which she knew of for months.  And then when that booty call fell through decided we were good enough to spend time with and she came late.  Or not at all, depending on how you look at it.  OOHH!  BOOM!

Yes, I just acknowledged my own joke.

Then night I was looking forward to the most was Saturday night.  Over a month ago Sheri and I were talking about the run down of the week and when she said the BBQ was going to be Friday night I suggested  that we have it Saturday so we can have it earlier.  She quickly said "Nooo, no.  We have plans Saturday already."

I said "Oh...ok.  What are we doing?"

"Nope, can't tell you.  It's a surprise."  I could hear her smile through the phone.

I tried getting it out of her but I realized that I should just be grateful that she was trying.  This was her way of showing an effort.

And did she succeed.

She broke it to me midweek that the surprise was a dinner cruise around Manhatten.  Dinner cruises manage to combine all of my favorite things under the sun.  Boats, Water, NY City, and food.

If we didn't have our periods....that woman would have been rewarded handsomely.  Maybe I should write out a few IOUs.

I could not have been more happy, more excited, more in love with this woman that night.  When we walked down the dock I wrapped my arm through hers so I didn't float away from sheer joy.  Even more to our excitement we had a table right next to the window of the boat.



Dinner was amazing, the atmosphere was outstanding, the music was thumping.  I don't think we had that much fun in a very, VERY, long time.  At one point the Electric Slide came on and this girl has no shame so I got right up and started to boogy down.  Every time I looked over at Sheri she had one of the biggest smiles on her face and I could honestly say she looked genuinely and honestly happy.  And sadly, I don't see her like that that often.  Like she was without a care and she was enjoying just being there.

We were able to go on the top deck and watch the skyline drift by as the sun set.  It was so extraordinarily romantic that I would close my eyes to truly memorize the feeling of the cool summer air whipping past us and the scent of the night.

I can't even describe how.much.fun we had.  After dessert Whitney Houston "I Wanna Dance With Somebody".  I tried to pull her on the dance floor but she refused to budge so I said "Fine.  I want to dance, and I want to dance with you.  So I will dance right here."  Much to the chagrin of our table neighbors, I danced and sang to the entire song.  Sheri just laughed.  This deep, full bodied, totally free laugh.

I wish I could hear that more often.

I am totally sidetracked right now because I just remembered that I said we have some big news to share.  Well, September 3rd was the one year anniversary of her sister's death.  During our vacation her brother-in-law decided to have a BBQ on the 3rd to honor Doreen and commemorate her memory.  And in  his invitation he made it a point to invite me.  He said "And of course, Jen is invited."  We were so taken aback and in awe.  When we were at dinner with Sheri's niece, his and Doreen's daughter, we were talking about how grateful we were that he invited me.  She was so happy to hear her father extended the olive branch that this weekend I received a text from her.  She said I told Dad how happy it made you and Aunt Sher that he invited you to the bbq.  Then I said 'You know they're together, right?' and he said 'Yeah, I don't care.  I've always liked Jen"

We were texting back and forth how amazing it was that not only did he know, that he was accepting.  She texted me You're one of the family, and we're happy to have you.  I said to her Em, that's all I ever wanted.   I then asked her if he knew, if it meant her mother knew.  And she just said She knew.

Monday when we arrived at the house I went up to Warren and he wrapped me in such a sincere hug and said "Thank you SO much for coming."  I thanked him for even inviting me and he looked at me with genuine kindness in  his eyes and said "Of course, I always liked you."  While I was sitting there Monday with Sheri and her girls talking to her family who all knew about me and our relationship, I just felt so at ease.  It's such a huge step forward for us and I hope that Sheri can finally see how much easier it is to live our lives in the open.  No, her mother still does not know, nor will she ever.  Every one of her family has said to absolutely NEVER let her in on this secret because she will make our lives an utter, living hell.

But yeah, I thought it was amazing that all that time Sheri went back on forth whether or not to tell Doreen she actually already knew.

It only makes me excited for what's to come and what this means for our future because if this is foreshadowing, I think it will be amazing.

For more pictures of our vacation and our relationship, you can always check us out at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jen-and-Sheri-on-After-Ellen

The Almost Breakup

On July 2nd we received an email at work stating that we would have the 4th of July off as well as the rest of the week thereafter. At work on July 3rd our administrative assistant poked her head around the corner and let us know that we could leave work at 3. Knowing Sheri had off of work that day I excitedly texted her that maybe I could come up straight from work and we could do something with the girls. Out of nowhere she snapped at me that I'm smothering her. That every time I get time off handed to me I want to spend it with her and that she gets two days a week to take care of the house and spend time with her children and when I want to see her it makes her want to scream.

I stared at my phone, dumbfounded that my girlfriend of five and a half years, whom I see once a week for only a few hours, was accusing me of smothering her. Right. So I shouldn't want to spend time with her.

After feeling neglected for quite some time this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I simply said Fine, if you want some alone time take all the time in the world because I'm done. We don't want the same things anymore. You just made it painfully obvious that I want to be with you more than you want to be with me. I also congratulated her for pushing another one away and gaining her independence on Independence Day (she threw her husband out on the 4th of July 8 years prior).

I choked back tears and forced a smile on my face for the rest of the day. I will not tolerate being spoken to like that. I do not deserve it. I did not speak to her for the rest of the day and was looking forward to 5 days off from work where I could truly think about what my next step was. I went home that night and sat on my couch and took note of everything in my apartment that was something she gave me or from somewhere we went (which is about 90%). I was still pretty much in shock at how she blew up at me because I asked if I could see her (the nerve of me). I was watching TV and my phone buzzed and her icon popped up. She said HI. I did not respond. Are we done fighting?
That I responded to. You have a lot of nerve to ask ME if we're done fighting

I guess that's a no.
For the record, I never was fighting. I was destroyed by what she said.

There were moments I'd glance at the picture of us on my TV stand. Her arms wrapped around me and her head on my shoulder, us smiling like to fools in love. I'd allow myself a minute or so to cry before I took a deep breath and shook it off. We did still have to discuss exactly what had happened and I figured that wouldn't be until Saturday. I'd let her stew for a few days to let her know I meant business.

Wednesday my sister came over and we sat by the pool. We chatted and I debated telling her since I didn't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill. After about an hour or so sitting by the pool it came out that Sheri and I were not speaking, or more that I was not speaking to Sheri. I had a pretty firm resolve that this was it, that everything piled up high enough and I had it. I had it with the excuses, I had it with never seeing her or spending time with her or doing things with her. I had it with having my life on hold. I told her that Sheri has been so mentally and emotionally abused by her mother that she truly believes that she is worthless and doesn't deserve happiness so she sabotages everything that she loves. She has been told all her life she is a failure, so she sets herself up to fail. For the past five and a half years I have tried to show her she is beautiful and worth loving but I am tired of scaling that wall. She will never see that until she believes it herself. I can't save her. We had made plans to go to the fireworks that night with her boyfriend and his two boys and we would take my mind off of things and have fun.

It was interesting to say the least. While we were at the fairgrounds the boys' mother showed up with her "friend" and plopped down next to us. She had a little to drink before hand and was umm, friendly, to say the least. This is a woman who prior to meeting my sister would curse her out and call her a whore and say she would never be anything to those boys. This same person greeted my sister with the biggest hug and called her her Kindred Spirit and was trying to get her to come to breakfast with her one day "Just us moms". I won't negate to say she also grabbed my sisters boobs and started humping me from behind. In front of her children and thousands of other witnesses.

Say it with me, Bat.shit.crazy.

We began to settle down in time for the fireworks and my sister snuggled up in front of her boyfriend and I leaned my head back on my lawn chair and watched the show. My heart was heavy because this was just another thing that I knew if I stayed with Sheri I would never have this. She doesn't do fireworks, she doesn't do holidays, she doesn't do birthdays. I imagined a life with someone who would be there with me and be a true partner in life. I pushed that picture out of my mind. I didn't want to do this with anyone else. I wanted to do it with Sheri. If only she would, if only she could put her stubbornness and her pride away and step out of her comfort zone. I would shake my head clear of these thoughts and try to firm up my resolve that I had to do this. I had to walk away.

Wednesday night I lied in bed and played the scene of having to watch her walk out of my apartment, of having to close the door behind her and know it was over, that it could possibly be the last time I would talk to her or see her again. I cried myself to sleep again that night.

Thursday morning I woke early to drive to the beach to meet my parents who were staying with my uncle. I knew sitting by the ocean listening to the waves crash would be the perfect spot to reflect on what was going on. I had John Mayer accompany me on the way down as he soulfully sang about how you can't get through love on a pile of IOU's and how we shouldn't be afraid to walk alone. My thoughts would range from MMaybe we'll be ok, maybe this time she'll change and No, this is what needs to be done. This is truly the end.
My mother and I took our places on the beach and I sat baking in the sun letting it reach into my soul and soothe me. My mother prattled on about this and that and it was a welcomed distraction to my constant thought of watching Sheri walk away. We sat there for hours until the sun started to dip behind us. We gathered our things to walk back to the house and she convinced me to stay for a big seafood dinner rather than leaving and sitting in rush hour traffic on the way home. I poured myself a glass of wine even though my stomach was in knots. I still hadn't heard from Sheri and to be honest, I didn't want to. As my mother and I sat on the front porch my phone buzzed and I saw it was Sheri. She asked How are you? I simply answered Fine. My lip began to quiver and I pulled my sunglasses down to cover the tears welling in my eyes but I wasn't quick enough. Mother's instinct kicked in and she asked me what was wrong between Sheri and me. I had just stated we weren't speaking and my father walked out and I sat up straighter and laughed as though she said something funny. She took her queue and carried on as though she didn't just see her daughter's facade begin to crack. We looked through the menu and decided on an array of seafood for all of us to share. During that time my phone buzzed again but I ignored it, not wanting to call any attention to myself. Once we were in the car I glanced at it and I saw that she was apologizing for Tuesday, that it had been 10 months since her sister passed, her mother was bitching and complaining about her (seriously, what mother speaks ill of her deceased child?), and how Hannah was in her ear about how it had been 8 years since Bill had left. She said If we're done, we're done. You deserve better than what I can offer you.

The dam broke.

I sat in the restaurant waiting for our food trying so hard not to completely break. I said I do deserve better. But so do you.

No, I don't think I do.
I think you've made me the best as I'm going to get.

You only think that because that's what has been beaten into your head by your mother. That you're useless, wasteful, self centered and selfish. You are none of those things. I wouldn't love someone like that. But you believe you are and I'm tired of scaling the wall you've put up around yourself to show you how beautiful you are and you deserve love and happiness. I can't make you see that. That has to come from within you. I can't save you.

I never asked you to save me.

I know. I took that upon myself. But you make it damn near impossible.

You think spending time with me will save me?

I thought showing you you're worth loving would.

I don't understand that but...
I love you and shouldn't have blown up on you the way I did.

No, you shouldn't have. But this is not just about Tuesday. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.
She started talking about how she would give me things back that were mine and she'd leave the key at my apartment. I think that hurt me worse, knowing that she wouldn't put up any sort of a fight for me. I shouldn't be surprised though, she always said she would never fight me if I decided to leave. I just wanted to go home and be alone. My mother wouldn't let me, begging me to stay there and eat something. She didn't want me driving home as upset as I was. We got back to my uncle's house and I plastered on that smile again and forced down food. I only ate two crab legs before I feigned tiredness and ran out of the house.

I did not cry though. I did not cry the entire way home. Somehow, I was extremely calm. I knew at that moment I couldn't do it. I couldn't lose her and all that we've worked for, especially when she didn't even know the real reason. She thought I'd break up with her because of a text message.

She called me when I got home and I wasted no time diving into the real reasons for my silence. I emptied my heart onto the table to let her know how hurtful it was to hear her say I was smothering her. I didn't care what was going on in her life, I.do.not.deserve.that. I shouted If you think I deserve better, BE BETTER! Don't just give up because you don't want to put in the effort. Don't give up because you can't fathom TRYING to better yourself for someone else and failing. She has said in the past that she gets so scared to tell me that she loves me and to open up to me because inevitably something will happen and we'll have an argument and then she feels like a fool for making herself vulnerable. I said that NOTHING should stop you from telling someone you love how you feel. Even if things didn't work out, even if maybe there'd be a fight after you said it, you should not, no, CANNOT, hold that back. You cannot use "Oh, I tell you I love you and then you aggravate me" as an excuse to not open up to

I told her that we are stagnant. We are no further in our relationship than we were five and a half years ago. This is unacceptable, there has to be some forward movement. I told her that at this point, I do not see a future with her if things don't change. The only thing I've ever asked is for her to make an effort. I don't want to hear excuses about work, money, children, mother, it's raining, the sky is blue. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. I'm TIRED of excuses. Time is not going to be handed to us, we have to make it. And time is not on our side. We are not getting any younger and I'm not about to sit around and wait for my life to start for another 5 years.



I am guarded. I see an effort on her part but it's too soon after the storm to tell if it will stick. We are spending a week together in August, the LONGEST we have been together since the beginning of our relationship. We have a few day trips planned (Deep Sea Fishing, Statue of Liberty) and she has a surprise for me that Saturday. At first I wanted to badger it out of her but I took a deep breath and recognized this is her trying. I told her that I am looking forward to it and I appreciate the fact that she is even thinking about planning a surprise.

I texted her the other day I love you. I'm glad we didn't break up.

lol, Ok...me too. And I love you too, more than I let on.

What do you mean?

I love you a lot but I don't think I show it as much as I should
And there is the reason why I was so upset. Maybe she is growing? Who knows.  Stay tuned to find out.  I know I will.

Limbo

A few weeks ago one of my best and oldest friends called me to excitedly announce that she and her boyfriend had just gotten engaged.  What was supposed to be a monumentally happy occasion hit me like a ton of bricks and I just wanted to break down and cry.  I was happy that my friend was happy, but it struck a nerve.  At that moment I panicked and thought This will never be me.  I will never get to say these words.  I don't even know if I WANT to.  It could have been that I was in the throes of wicked PMS, the two glasses of wine had made me emotional, or because for the first time in a very long time Sheri and I were fighting. 

 

 

I realized something yesterday as I verbally diarrhea-d and blew up Sheri's inbox. What threw me so hard about my friend's engagement was that when things like this happen it makes me realize that this is where I should be in my life but I'm not because I'm in limbo.

I think a lot of my problem is that Sheri and I discuss marriage, children, moving in, yada yada yada, but all it is right now is talk. It's just talk because realistically with her mother still alive we cannot do those things. My life is literally on hold until that woman dies. I don't think Sheri realizes that. I was telling her she never had to watch all of her friends get married and start families before her. She never really had a lot of friends. She's always kept people at an arm's length. The three closest friends she does have are still all single and will be for the rest of their lives. She was the friend who got married and had kids. The rest of her "group" had no interest on ever jumping on that band wagon. So she doesn't get what it's like to watch your friends get married off one by one and you sit here and think We've been together longer than they have and we're nowhere near moving forward.As I sat on my front step last night watching a thunderstorm roll in I was telling her that I've always been on a delay when it comes to milestones. I was one of the last of my friends to move out on my own. Three of my best friends had been out of the house since after college. They graduated and just never went home. Hell, the one friend who just got engaged was out of the house after high school. And then there I was, just turned 27 and finally out on my own.

She said "But if my mother died tomorrow and I asked you to marry me or move in you'd say no."
I responded "Of course I would! We have been together for five and a half years and I barely need two hands to count how many times we've slept in the same bed together. We've never spent more than 4 consecutive days together. We see each other once a week for a few hours. You can't go from 0-80 like that because I guarantee we'd be broken up within a month if we just moved in."
"I don't think that's true," she protested.

"Maybe for the first week it'd be Yay! I get to come home to you every day and I still like you! But then the second week it'd be Oh my god, why are you still here??? It would be such a difficult transition for me especially since I'm used to being on my own now. I get to come home and for a couple of hours just be by myself and unwind. Between you and your children I would get no such break and that would cause me to have a nervous breakdown!"

I told her the first step would to be spend more time together starting with more sleepovers. And then we also have talked about the renovations that would be required to take place even before I move in. For starters their upstairs bathroom has a tub/shower has not been in use for nearly 10+ years. That would change. Her mother's room will be the guest bedroom/my room because I love the woman but you've all read me complain about her snoring. I said we're going to buy ourselves a gigantic California King bed for our master bedroom and then my current mattress will be used in the guest bedroom. That way if she is snoring too loud then I can go sleep in my own bed. I love her, but I like her a lot more when I'm well rested.

I continued to tell her that I want a child. I realize that I still have time but my window is not as wide open as it used to be. She said "You need to relax. You're 28. This isn't a competition, there is no set timeline. I had Jillian when I was 36."

I said "Yes, and she was your last child. I don't want to have my first child at 36 and then feel jipped because I want a second one but as I get older it's more dangerous."

We are losing out on that important experience of spending time together, sharing a bed together, and ultimately sharing a life together. Not just one day a week, but a LIFE.

Honestly though, I don't see that changing. There are too many obstacles. Money, work, children, TIME. There's just never enough of it.

Paintings

This past Saturday we drove into the city and went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to see the Stein exhibit.  I was standing before one of the many Matisse and Picasso paintings when Sheri came up behind me and wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me into her.  I closed my eyes and put my head on her shoulder and smiled.  She doesn't realize that those small gestures are what make me the most happy. Her favorite was a painting of a country side done by Picasso where the explanation was his lover at the time, Eva, had written Gertrude Stein that while they were summering at an old Spanish villa the proprietor had misunderstood Picasso's profession and thought him to be a house painter and offered him a job.  She got quite a kick out of that.

As you know, museums are very quiet where all you hear are people shuffling through and hushed whispers.  We were moving along and appreciating the paintings and I wanted a mint.  It was a new pack so I had to take the plastic wrapping off then shake the can to get a mint to come out for Sheri and me.  It was so loud that it was echoing off the walls and people were giving me a nasty look and Sheri and I were trying not to giggle.  She whispered "Could you be any louder?"  I smiled and said "I could be, if you want me to." 

We'd float from room to room holding pinkies.  She'd break away to look at one painting while I went to admire another and I'd turn and search for her in the crowd and couldn't contain the smile tugging at my lips as I spotted her.  I've memorized the way her face looks when she sees me from afar.  Every now and then she winks at me and smiles and my stomach fills with butterflies.

When we were sitting on my couch later Saturday night I studied her profile as she watched tv.  How her mouth is always slightly open, how she knows when I'm looking at her and she'll stare at me from the corner of her eyes and then a big smile stretches across her face.  When she smiles, I can't help but smile along with her.  I snuggle up close to her, draping myself over her like a blanket.  She kissed the top of my head and said "You know, if you get any closer to me you'll be on the other side of me."

"Still not close enough," I said as I wiggle to get that extra smidgen closer.

We've been trying some new things in bed lately and my orgasms have been the most intense I've ever had.  It's made me quite addicted to her, more so than before, and I crave her all the time.  When I think about her my insides tighten and start to throb with anticipation.  I'm trying to convince her for a mid-week-romp to satisfy my cravings but so far, no dice.

---

On Draw Something when I get the word "Taco" part of me wants to draw the lady part rather than the food.  Just for shock value

Shades of Us

Sheri just left and here I sit with with my laptop on my lap, wine in my belly, and a big stupid grin on my face.

I know the grin on Sheri's face is equally as big as mine.

It started earlier in the week when Sheri said she bought the book everyone's raving about, 50 Shades of Grey.  I've heard about it.  A friend of mine read it and give it a pretty scathing review (and re-titled it 50 Shades of Crap).  I was apprehensive about buying it and was vaguely aware of what the content was about but Sheri's interest was piqued so she bought the book for her Kindle.  Not to be outdone, and really out of curiosity to see what all the hubba-baloo was about, I purchased it as well and finished the book late last night.

This is not a book review, I promise.  It's so much more.

It wasn't expertly written.  In fact, it stated it was the author's first attempt at a novel so I do commend her for tackling such a taboo subject.  If not for anything else, Sheri and I had a few eyebrow raising moments where we thought We could try that.

We would be reading the book and she'd be a few chapters ahead and tease me about what was coming up next.  Then I'd read past her and she'd pester me to try and give something away.  But we always would text about a certain part of the book and giggle like school girls.  She's been prodding me, no pun intended, about purchasing some other toys mentioned in the book and I thought at the very least it'd be fun to try something new.

When she arrived early this morning we piled into her car to set out on our day of shopping.  Some pillows here, some glass vases there, some riding crops elsewhere.  We parked in the parking lot of the Adult Emporium and we walked into the spacious, brightly lit, and overall cheerful store full of adult toys and novelty items.  I made a beeline for the wall of shoes, joking with Sheri that we should buy me some stripper heels. 

That's when I saw him.

"Sheri!" I hissed. "I know him! He's our mailman at work!  We have to leave, we have to leave now!"  I flushed scarlet and ducked behind a conveniently located metal beam so he wouldn't see me.

She had a huge smile spread across her face and I saw the devil dancing behind her eyes.  "Ohh no...we're not leaving.  Just go say hi!"  She said, smiling even bigger.

"Nooooo!  Please, we have to leave.  We can go to Target and come back in like twenty minutes.  Please.  I see him every day.  We have to leave."  I was very careful not to let me voice rise above a harsh whisper to avoid calling attention to us.

 The last thing I needed was for him to have to see me every single day and think I know what you like to do.   I didn't want to embarrass him either.  I'm sure he would appreciate to think his indiscretions are remaining private.

Much to my dismay Sheri sat down on this couch that was facing the shoe wall.  She crossed one leg over her knee and leaned back and made it quite clear that she was enjoying watching me squirm.  The store attendant started to drift in our direction and asked if we needed any help. 

"Oh, no, we're fine," I smiled anxiously.  I pointed to the mailman "I know that man over there and I'm trying to hide!" 

The attendant nodded understandingly and retreated back behind the register.  I hid behind the beam peaking out periodically to see where he was located.  Seriously, how long does it take to pick out a porn?  And more importantly, you can find a video of anything for free on the internet, why the hell was he buying it?

He had turned his back to us to go deeper into the store and I took that moment to dash to the other side and hide behind a display of Bachelorette Party novelty items.  Every few minutes I'd send Sheri over to check where he was located to see if I had to move.  Here I was, a grown woman, ducking behind penis straws. 

After a painfully long time waiting, and I'm talking like nearly 15 minutes, Sheri quickly waved me over to the aisle that contained the whips, paddles, and riding crops.  She motioned he was finally moving towards the checkout so I bolted down that aisle and hid behind another display containing the section of gay videos.

After the mailman FINALLY left, the attendant was nice enough to saunter over with a crooked grin to let us know he was gone.  We thanked him and we were able to shop somewhat in peace.  Every time I heard the front door open and saw movement out of the corner of my eye I'd jump and expect to see him again or someone else I knew.

We settled on a leather tipped riding crop and something else that we read in the book, what that is I'm not telling!  I have to keep some things a secret.

When we got home we immediately dove into bed.  We kissed deeply as I instructed her to lightly use the crop until my skin was used to it.  I emphasized the need for one smack on alternating sides.  Sheri has this horrible habit of smacking one cheek over and over again until I'm howling and trying to wiggle away from her.  She made small enticing circles on my skin before taking a tentative swat and I was pleased to find that it did not hurt at all.  In fact, I asked her to go a little harder.  The leather bit my skin and left a tingling sensation that was exhilarating and completely arousing.  She was very pleased with herself and turned my ass a nice shade of pink. 

I instructed her on to her back and went into my kitchen to retrieve the can of whipped cream.  I used her body as a canvas to make my own smiley face as I lightly licked her clean.  Trust me, I wish that we could be that smooth but as always with us there is some mishap.  As I leaned forward to kiss her with some whipped cream still in my mouth my left arm gave out and I landed on top of her, smearing the whipped cream onto me and onto my sheets.  What was supposed to be an erotic moment started to turn into a sticky mess.

After I cleaned her off with my tongue she instructed me onto my back and devoured me until my back was arched and my fingers tugging at her hair.  I had to collect my thoughts for a second and then beckoned her onto her back.  With our toy on, I entered her slowly and watched as she closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling.  Methodically, I moved and swivelled my hips and it didn't take long to work her up.  She flipped me onto my back and within a minute was bearing down on me and had one of the most delicious sounding orgasms I've ever heard her have.  When she collapsed on top of me unable to move I took advantage of that moment and gave her little bites up and down her neck and her shoulder. 

"I want to try the kitchen table," she said when her breathing regulated.  I eyed her speculatively and I was inclined to say no but I figured we did some things today outside of our normal realm, why not add that to this list?

For ease and sanitary reasons we laid a towel across my table.  When I walked into the kitchen she was sitting in one of the chairs with elbows on the table and her head propped up by her hands.  She looked like a little kid waiting for her ice cream.  I scooted onto the table and she pushed me down onto my back and once again worked her magic with her tongue.  Because of the angle and the fact that she had so much room to work with she was able to use both hands for extra stimulation and I had one of the most intense and loudest orgasms I've ever had.  As I lay there panting with every extremity in my body vibrating I realized a little too late my window was open.  I said a silent apology for anyone in my complex who heard that, which was probably everyone.

She assisted me back into a sitting position and helped me on to my unsteady feet.  It was just in time because our dinner only had another 10 minutes left to cook.  After we ate we adjourned to my living room where we snuggled on my couch and watched a movie with her legs draped over mine.  After the movie was over I crawled up to her and laid against her and our hands moved softly over one another.  I was completely content and then she did something unspeakable.  She took my left hand and brought it up to her mouth.  I thought she was going to kiss my hand and my knuckles like it was done in the book, but instead I felt her slippery tongue on the tip of my index finger.  Softly she sucked, drawing it into her mouth with her tongue swirling around it and her teeth nibbling lightly.  The feeling was heavenly and it was like a direct route to where she had been just a few hours before.  I moaned and shifted, spinning myself to face her and kissed her hard.  "Back to the table?"  I suggested.

A sly smile spread across her face and I didn't have to ask her twice.  Minutes later I was screaming out again and completely and utterly spent.  This time, I remembered to close the window.

Memories

The other weekend while I was driving home from dinner with Sheri I started to mull over the idea for an entry.  We've written that the beginning of our relationship is a little hazy mostly due to it being drowned in vodka.  A lot of the times when we talk about our past I feel like we're recapping a movie.   Like how you might talk with a friend about what part of the movie you liked the best, what made your heart thump a little harder with anticipation, or when you wanted to scream at the screen because the characters completely pissed you off with their behavior.

Well, I can't speak for Sheri but that's how I view our beginning.  When I think about us, we were just two characters in a movie and I'm remembering the scenes I liked the best, or the ones that pissed me off the most.  But there are some instances where it's so crystal clear that it's like I can reach out and hold them in my hand. 

Last Saturday we visited the area where we worked together.  We drove to the deli that we had sometimes gotten lunch at when we didn't go next door to Uno's and get hammered.  She asked me when I had realization, that I wasn't ever getting rid of her.  She playfully warned me to "Answer carefully."  I stared out the window at the passing traffic and I couldn't really pick out a specific point in time.  I think I always knew she'd be there.  I turned to her and said as much but added "I do remember the exact time I realized you were crazy."  I can't recall what the argument was about but I can remember exactly where I was when she called to scream at me.  We had 5 registers in our store, 1&2 and 3&4 were back to back and #5 was a standalone register.  I was sitting on the floor between 3&4 putting together bird cages when she called me to yell at me about something or other (those days it was always something) and I told her that she was not my mother, I did not have to check in with her or let her know where I was or where I was going.  She hung up on me and about an hour later came into the store and stalked past me, giving me a glare that would turn someone to stone.  All I did was shake my head and say to myself This woman is nuts and I need to put her in her place.

We see how that turned out.

I can also remember putting together a plan-o-gram for the cat litter products and having difficulty with the shelves.  She had been chattering away next to me while I was working and tried to help me move the heavy metal shelf but starting making me laugh.  I couldn't catch my breath I was laughing so hard and she spoke of her sister then.  "Don't laugh!  Like Doreen says when you laugh you lose all your strength."  My arms felt like jelly as I struggled to hold up this shelf (which let's face it, was not as heavy as it was awkward).  I remember at that point thinking She can make me laugh like no one else has before.

She also made me jealous without even realizing she was doing so.  I can remember we were in the stock room preparing for Inventory and another female co-worker was leaning over next to her examining a checklist.  I could hear Sheri say "Vicky, you smell so good!"  I felt my cheeks burn with an inexplicable rage at Vicky who just innocently was wearing a very nice smelling cream.  That night after work I went to the store to buy the same scent and made sure to be close to Sheri whenever I wore it.  I wanted to be the only one she thought smelled good.

It was Inventory that we also had a huge fight.  It was a horrific snowstorm and all I wanted to do was leave and drive to my boyfriend's who only lived a few miles away.  It was the middle of the night, and getting dangerous, and I kept campaigning to be let go early.  I can recall Sheri, flushed with rage, finally tell me that I could go, that she didn't give a shit.  I ended up staying for some reason that I didn't understand so she wouldn't be mad at me.  I kick myself to this day for staying because I felt like I gave her a little bit of power at that moment but I couldn't stand the thought of her being mad at me.  I don't justify her anger, but I can understand how it hurt to have the one person you want, wanting to leave and be with someone else.

I remember one day all of our registers ran out of bags and there was a store that supplied them about 20 minutes away.  It was a beautiful warm day in early Spring and she asked me if I wanted to go with her, knowing full well there was no need for me to go other than she wanted company.  I climbed into her Durango and had the window down with my arm making wave motions as we sped down the highway.  I dared her to ditch work and we drive to the beach.  I almost had her convinced until her cell phone harshly rang and it was our store manager demanding us to get back immediately, that he was furious she took me with her.  We had gotten stuck in traffic to make us even later and we just talked about everything under the sun.

She was the first person I could talk to about everything.  When we weren't fighting, it was so easy with her.

I also remember little things, like how she looked when we were driving back from our first Yankee's game a few months after our first kiss.  I can still see her turning to flash me her secret smile and reach for my hand even though her oldest child was in the backseat.  I remember the way the setting sun reflected in her blue eyes and flushed cheeks and knew in that moment I could never walk away from her again.

I did end up trying to walk away .  I never could stay away for long.  Still can't.  She's such an integral part of me that even to this day when I want to scream and cry and choke the ever living daylights out of her, she runs in my veins. 

I still get butterflies when I see her.  When she smiles at me, a warm smile that reaches her eyes and lights up her entire face, my heart skips a beat.  It's those moments that I still know that I could never be apart from her.  Sometimes I want to.  I won't lie and pretend it's all rainbows and butterflies.  Sometimes she makes me so enragingly mad that I wonder what it would be like if I just threw in the towel, if I walked away and started a new life.  Those moments are fleeting though because when I actually think about losing her my breath catches in my throat and my heart breaks. 

We've said it before, and we'll say it again, our beginning was nasty.  I can't explain it though, there was something bigger than us keeping us together.  I just wish I knew that then and maybe I wouldn't have fought it off so hard, maybe we wouldn't have broken each other into little pieces.  But then again, maybe it's good that we did because it made us realize that we are something we want to fight for.  When we had nothing, when we were completely shattered like broken glass, we still stuck by each other's side to rebuild what little foundation we had.  And look at what it's turned us into. 

We're better because we were so bad.