Posted June 6, 2011
So who caught the premier of the Real L Word last night? Needless to say I had to fan myself after a few choice scenes. I still can't believe that they show half the shit they do. It's one thing to write about sex, but I can guarantee that I would never EVER allow cameras in the bedroom capturing what Sheri and I do best.
Unless I was drunk.
I've been at my apartment for 6 months now and this past Friday Sheri slept over for the first time. I use the term "sleep" loosely because when we share a bed there is very little sleep happening, whether it be due to roaming hands or her incessent snoring. This time was no different.
On Friday it was Sheri's mission to get me tipsy. I'm naturally aggressive but give me some alcohol and I'm an animal. Last Saturday I had a BBQ with Sheri and two of our friends for Memorial Day. I had consumed about a bottle and a half of wine and I started kissing all over Sheri and before she left I had her pinned against my front door making out. It didn't matter to me that our friends were in my kitchen trying desperately to not watch the scene that was unfolding in front of them. So this past Friday we were on my couch watching TV after dinner and Sheri wanted a re-enactment of the weekend prior and poured me two very full glasses of wine.
After the second glass Sheri was pantless on my couch with one leg on the coffee table and my head burried in the promise land.
Much like Whitney and Sara last night.
But that's not what I came to write about. After we moved into the bedroom and when both of us were spent it was time for bed. We shifted to our appropriate sides of the bed and our backs were to one another. I slurred "What, we aren't going to spoon?"
"Hrrmmph" she grunted, face already in her pillow.
She turned on to her right side and I wiggled in to mold my body to hers and we closed our eyes. It wasn't 90 seconds later she was complaining "I'm hooootttt and my shoulder hurrrttsss."
Much like in sports when the team is in a huddle I shouted "Aaannd break!" and we went back to our respective sides. I have to fall asleep on my left side. She falls asleep on her right. Which means we were facing each other. "Oh no," I said. "Roll over on to your other side. I can't fall asleep with you snoring your hot breath in my direction."
She whined a bit but she did roll over so her back was to me. I reached my hand over and ran my fingers up and down her back and rested my hand on the curve of her hip for a few seconds revelling in the fact that for the first time since I've moved here, and for the first time in nearly 8 months, we were sharing a bed together again.
Let me tell you, that feeling didn't last long. As I've written, Sheri has this inexplicable ability to fall asleep within, I kid you not, a minute after closing her eyes. My grin quickly faded when I heard the trademark heavy breathing and knew that snoring would soon follow. I groaned and put my pillow over my head and sank quickly into sleep thanks to two glasses of wine and an Advil PM.
I don't fool around, I have to be prepared when we sleep together.
I was asleep for a few hours when my eyes flashed open in the middle of the night to this chainsaw type sound eminating from Sheri's throat. In a sleepy stupor I threw my arm out to smack her and tell her to roll over. "Hmmhh*smack* Whaat?"
"Roll over! You're snoring!"
"*mumbles something*"
Luckily I fell asleep quickly again only to be awoken what seemed like an hour or two later by the same, incredibly loud snoring coming from my left. I reached out again to find out I couldn't push her on her side because she was already on her side facing away from me. Oh for Heaven's Sake I thought.
*smack*
"Hmmm?"
"You're snoring! Roll on to your stomach or something!"
Dutifully she rolled onto her stomach and I fell back to sleep.
Then there I was. 5 am in the morning realizing that I've only gotten about 4 hours of sleep. The sun was already starting to shine through my blinds and Sheri was still on her stomach, snoring away, and hogging up half the bed I might add. Sometimes she snores inhumanly loud. Sometimes, it's just heavy breathing. All the time, it keeps me awake. I tossed and turned and finally fell back to sleep for maybe another hour or two until it was about 7 or 8 in the morning and I knew that I wasn't going to get any more sleep.
If I can't sleep, she can't sleep. I got up, peed, brushed my teeth and threw some water on my face and jumped back in to bed. Sheri rolled and sleepily said "Morning baby," as she outstretched her arms. I sighed, defeated, and wiggled myself back into her open arms and we spooned like that for a few minutes until you guess it.....she started snoring.
"Sheri! You're snoring!" I whispered harshly.
"I'm not snoring. I'm not even asleep."
"Well that's a pretty neat trick then because yes, you are snoring."
We cuddled for a bit longer, us spooning, then her laying in my nook. Either way I'm blocking her face because I refuse to go anywhere near her mouth until she brushes her teeth. She thinks I should be all over her, morning breath and all. Sorry dear, I love you, but you can keep your dragon morning breath away from me.
Eventually she did get up, we had breakfast and washed the last night's activities off of us and we started all over again. I may have been exhausted, but she more than made up for keeping me awake. We were making out and when she finally touched me it was like electricity jolting through my body. It was only a few minutes later that I was quivering as my hands were intertwined in her hair, kissing her deeply. For nearly two hours I forgave her again and again and again for keeping me awake all throughout the night.
Next time, while I enjoy the payoff for her sleeping over, I wouldn't mind actually getting a good night's SLEEP thrown in there for good measure.
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