Finding Solid Ground

Posted September 1st, 2010

I am very lucky to have written down details about mine and Sheri's relationship.  In reading back in my other forum things that happened 3 years ago I'm left with a big ol' ??? over my head.  I read things and say "I don't remember that happening!"

For all of you, my advise is write-write everything down so you don't forget anything.  It's interesting to revisit your life years later and say "Wow....I totally forgot about that."

Sheri and I had a magnificent time camping.  There was nothing better than waking up and having her lying next to me, looking up at the sky through the opening in the top, and her hands down my shorts. 
Things didn't stay that nice though.  After reading back in September she wanted to take a break for reasons I did not divulge.  She just said she "needed to get [her] shit together". 

There was a lot of tension between us.  She was unemployed, she was struggling accepting the fact that her sister was going through chemo and losing her hair.  A few months prior her brother had also been diagnosed with cancer and he had to get radiation.  Life was hitting her hard and she always said that you take your stress out on the ones you love the most.

I know that I wasn't too keen on being her punching bag.  Although having dealth with my sister and father both having cancer I didn't know how to console her.  There would be days where she would be boisterous and happy and the next day she'd be withdrawn and sullen.  I never knew what mood she'd be in when I texted her good morning.

After being unemployed for nearly 7 months in October she finally got a job at Home Depot only 15 minutes away from me.  We celebrated my 24th birthday with all of my friends and when the night was winding down, or rather just starting up, my friends and I went out to the bars and Sheri opted to go home.  We had gotten into a huge fight that night-she was screaming at me on the phone and I was crying to her that she was ruining my birthday.

I also was going out with my friends a lot which bothered her.  During one of her lows she said that she had been so busy making me the center of her life that she had forgotten about her.  She was hurt that while I was her Number 1 she didn't feel that she was mine.  Let me tell you though, that couldn't have been farther from the truth.  After she went back to work she also started going back to therapy.  She told me once that she was angry that she felt as though she had to give up her friend Alli from Henrietta's and I didn't have to change anything.

I pointed out to her that I risked EVERYTHING for her.  I broke up with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years for her, I risked losing my friends with dating a woman 18 years older than me.  I took the chance by coming out to my parents and nearly getting thrown out of my house.  Me not risking anything for her couldn't have been farther from the truth.

 

Twice in a matter of a month she wanted to take a break.  On Oct 29th, 2007 I wrote about how we were on the verge of breaking up.  I was heart broken-she was my best friend, my world.  I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep.  Just a few days later we had the most inane conversation over AIM.  We were just acting like complete fools.  In the midst of our laughing she apologized for being so emotional, that she just needed this laugh.

 

A few days later while I was at work she called me up and I couldn't understand her she was laughing so hard.  She and our friend Luis had gone out for lunch and his car was busted so his alarm wouldn't shut off.  Here they are driving down major Jersey highways with his alarm blaring and she is laughing so hard she can't speak.  When she laughs it makes me laugh and when I laugh it makes her laugh so we're cracking up and I hear Luis in the background going "Shut up!!  It's embarrassing!!" Which only makes us laugh harder.

 

November 5th, 2007 marked 3 years since my sister had gone into a coma.  It was also the day that my job decided to terminate me without any notice.  A fine how-do-you-do since I had only purchased a brand new car 2 months earlier.

 

Sheri picked me up and dusted me off.  That weekend we went back to Atlantic City where it was just an amazing time.  The entire weekend we were spent tangled up in bed, most of the time naked.  We couldn't keep our hands off of one another and the time we did venture out of our room was solely for nutritional purpose.  I had said "I cannot wait to open my eyes to her.  Of course opening my eyes would mean I have to close my eyes, which means either she doesn't have her hands all over me in the middle of the night or she's not snoring and keeping me awake."

 

That Christmas part of her present was a tour of Yankee Stadium.  In realizing how long ago that was I'm in shock because I could have sworn that was only a year or so ago.  I still have the picture of us sitting in the Yankee Dugout up in my living room.  I remember grabbing her hand and leading her down there and I said "Look baby, we can sit where famous asses sit"

 

It never fails to amaze me how far she and I have come.  We had gone from fighting every other day, tears, shouting, silent treatments to something constant and stable.  We had to wade through so.much.shit to get where we are now.  We never gave up, we never walked away (for long).  We still have a long way to go, we still have some quirks to work out, but I wouldn't want to live my life with anyone else.

 

 

Camping

Posted August 30, 2010

So off we go camping.

Now I’ve camped for the majority of my life, in a trailer, with a bathroom and a shower, you get the picture. So when Jen says “let’s go camping” I’m slightly nervous. I’ve never pitched a tent let alone cooked outside on a little grill. But I’m game, if it makes her happy. 

 

It’s also going to be the first time that I meet her sister Rue and her husband.   Now, Maria and Rich will also be there and for those of you who have read the previous posts you’ll know that my first meeting with Maria didn’t exactly end well.  But Rich, her husband, was a good egg and we got along really well so it won’t be that bad.  We get there and Maria and Rich are already there and camp is pretty much set up. They have a fire going and we are only a short walk up the path to the bathroom. We get there and go walking around checking out the campground. It’s actually owned by Rue’s husband's family so it’s not costing anything for the campsite.

 

We start to pitch the tent, it’s Jen’s and she’s used it before so she knows what she’s doing. I basically stand back and get the hell out of the way.

In no time our temporary love nest is put together. We throw our stuff in and head over by the fire for snacks and beer. Rue and her husband finally arrive and set up their tent.  All is going well.  We sat around for hours just talking and drinking.  Rich manned the grill for the weekend, preparing dinner that night and breakfast the next morning.  We had burgers and hot dogs, nothing major but it was a lot of fun. 

 

At one point Rich is telling a story and looking right at me.  Jen's hands start to wander-right down the top of my shirt and grabbed my boob.  He just stopped talking and lost his train of thought!  Jen and I decide to take a walk out to this large field that we walked out  to earlier in the day just to look at the moon and for the first time in my life I saw a shooting star, very cool. We head back over to the campsite. It’s been a long day and I’m exhausted so I decide to go to bed.

 

For some reason the fact that I can’t keep up with Jen’s family of drinkers is the butt of many jokes. So be it, I head to bed.  An hour or two later Jen decides it time to turn in. I know the fire is still going but all the girls have headed to bed. A short time later I hear Rich gently asking Maria where she put the rum, that he wasn’t mad that she hid it but could she just tell him where the rest of it is. She says that she didn’t do anything with it…he drank it.

Oh, well…time for him and Chris to go exploring…at 2am. Not too long after I hear them stumble back to camp. Rue and Chris’s tent was next to ours and I hear him very loudly proclaim…”baby, I licked a bullfrog’s ass!"

Oh my god, are you kidding me….shut up and go to sleep!!

It’s about 4am now and I feel Jen shaking me awake. “What’s the matter?”, I ask.

 

She goes “I have to go to the bathroom”.

 

"Ok, then go" I tell her.

 

She goes "I can’t, I hear a coyote outside."

 

I said "I don’t hear anything"

 

She goes…"shhhhh…listen"….

 

Ok, so I listen and what do I hear…..cockadoodledoooooo. "That’s not a coyote, that’s a rooster!!!!!! Go to the bathroom or go squat out by the Durango for all I care, but I am not walking you to the bathroom!"  

 

Next morning. I want to fool around and the look of horror comes over Jen’s face. She goes..”Um..what are you doing?"

 

 I’m like "what does it look like I’m doing."

 

She goes, “there’s no sex when we camp”

 

Oh really, says who?….We start to kiss and down her booty shorts I go. Now being quiet is not a skill my girlfriend has mastered but she did a good job that morning. We walked out of the tent with those dirty little smirks on our faces, the one that tells everyone what you just did. Can’t deny it…can’t keep my hands off of her.

Sex in Public Places

Posted August 26, 2010

Sheri and I have never been able to find time for us to spend...*ehem* quality time together.  With her mother living with her and with her having two young children there was always someone home.  I was living at home so my place was out of the question.

Hotel Durango to the rescue.

Back in 2007 that was the only place we could have had sex.  We made the best of it and we have seen more parking lots and been rolled up on by more cops than we care to remember.

There was one particular parking lot that we were in that there was exhaust coming out of the tailpipe.  We were inexperienced at this time for picking out prime spots and were in a deserted lot completely in the open.  We're fooling around and I'm on top and all of a sudden spotlights flood the inside of the car.  I put up a free hand and peer out the back window to see not one, not two, but THREE COP CARS.

I'm completely naked at this point and I start to scramble.  The only thing I can cover myself with is her jacket.  Sheri, ever ready for such an occassion, still has a shirt and bra on and she is able to throw her pants on before we hear a *clink clink clink* on the side window. 

One of the cops, a young guy, flashes his flashlight into the back where I'm trying to cover up my most intimate of areas with just a coat sleeve.  Only problem is the cop is asking to see our IDs while he tries to hide his smile, and probably also his boner.  I'm clutching the coat to my chest and Sheri is pulling on it saying "Baby, I need my jacket!  I need my license!"  I'm nervously laughing going "Nooooo!" as I wrap it around me tighter.  She ends up prying it away from me so I'm laying there completely exposed in the fetal position trying to hide from him.  After she shows him her license he bids us goodnight and tells us to be on our way. 

After that night we had to pick and choose parking lots.  Let me tell you, it's not as easy as it looks.  You have to factor in weather and if smoke will be visible from the tailpipe.  You also have to factor in parking by other cars so you don't stand out but not close enough that those people getting in the cars will see or hear you.  You also have to try not to park underneath a street lamp because that light will blind you as you're lying on your back.  Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than trying to have an orgasm while shielding your eyes from blinding light.

For the most part we have it down pat.  We have two parking lots that we are now loyal to.  Everytime we stray we're either caught by security, other drivers, or cops.  Actually, the parking lot we frequent the most has also attracted other horny-don't-have-access-to-a-bed couples.  It's always a blast when our windows are fogged from our body heat and when I happen to look around there's a car a few spaces over that's has the same exact thing.

There was one time back in 2007 we were having sex in the parking garage of a Friday's.  While Sheri is devouring me I open my eyes to see a security guard walking towards our car.  I throw her off of me and wrap the blanket around my once again naked body and she greets the man.  He smiles, wishes us well and warns us that were we are has security cameras that can see right into the back of the car.  Then he points us to a part of the garage that does not have any cameras where we can go and not be bothered.

If only that were true.

We were bothered-by him!  A few times we'd see him walking past our car and he'd wave and keep on going.  One time I was going down on Sheri and she's enjoying herself.  I happened to look up because I love watching her and I see his face looking in through the rear window.  "Holy shit!" I yelled as I threw the blanket over Sheri's exposed body.  Needless to say that was the last time we had sex there.

In April 2007 we had gone out to dinner with Sheri's friends for her birthday at our favorite bar & restaurant called Joe's.  Drinks were flowing and when Sheri and I drink, especially vodka, it is guaranteed that clothes will be coming off. 

That particular night we couldn't wait until dinner was over to explore each other.  We went to the bathroom and while we were washing our hands I glanced at her and smirked.  With my eyes I motioned to the vacant handicapped stall  and grabbed her hand and pulled her in after me.  After we closed the door my back was immediately pressed against the wall and her mouth was hard against mine.  Her fingers pulled at my hair and she pinned my arms above my head.  With a free hand I felt my pants being unbuckled and her fingers found me.  I immediately started grinding against her, fighting to get my arms free.  When she let me go I ripped open her pants and I went deep inside of her.  I love that when I first go into her she takes a sharp intake of air and just stops for a second until she regains her senses. 

While we were having sex, since it is a public bathroom, women were walking in and out but we didn't care.  We were only in there for a few minutes but it felt like hours.  After dinner we did not stop, we did not pass go, we did not collect $200.  There was not a word uttered-the backseats were folded down and in a flash she was pinning me down and hungrily kissing me.  What followed was the most raw, unbridled, animalistic sex I think we have ever had.  We reached new heights that night and luckily, we were not caught.

It Continues

Posted August 25, 2010

So yeah, this girl that’s been a thorn in Jen’s side for more like 2 years rather than for 3. Quick back story just to clear a few things up: First off, she lived in the city so access to her wasn’t hard. She has a fat job with a major company and was dating a girl that lived about ten minutes from me in Jersey. They had broken up but were still friends. The party that she invited me to was at that girl’s apartment in one of the high rises in Fort Lee, right across the river from the city.

When Jen would go to do things that I wasn’t thrilled about, I looked to this girl to go out. Nothing major, just maybe dinner and a drink. Again, I don’t possess a lot of friends, especially gay ones, so it was nice.  As I’ve often told Jen it was nice to have someone to talk about her too. I know, I know…never talk to a girl that’s interested in you about the girl that you’re involved with…I got it, I got it.

This girl’s company has a house in the Hamptons for the summer and when Jen went on vacation with her family, said girl invited me out there for the day. I declined of course because that particular weekend I had my girls.  Jen was none too happy that I was even invited.  All she would picture is Alli in a bikini and me drooling by the pool.

 

So…getting back to the private plane...Jen gets stuck in Cleveland, and I’m not happy at all. Alli had texted me and I told her what was going on. I guess she knew I was a tad bit stressed. She said if Jen couldn’t get a flight home to let her know, she had access to things such as private planes. As I stated earlier she worked for a major, major company and had a pretty sweet position with them.  She would get Jen home, not to worry.  I think Jen would’ve rather have walked home from Cleveland before getting on a plane that had been sent for her from her.

Moving on to April, my birthday month. Can you say Joe’s bathroom??? 

Round 2: Fight!

Posted August 25, 2010

Sheri and I are scrambling to remember events that happened after we finally started our relationship.  It seems though because of the exhausting drama that was the holidays and New Year I believe for at least a few weeks everything died down and was quiet.

In the following weeks her sister went in for surgery to have her hysterectomy, my sister too was in and out of the hospital.  We're kindred spirits as my oldest sister has been battling metestatic colon cancer for the past 9 years-her last reoccurance was 6 years ago but dealing with the side effects from chemo and surgery have actually been worse than the actual cancer.  So we were otherwise preoccupied.

I had made the decision somewhere in February that I was going to go back down to Memphis for St. Pattie's Day in March.  Sheri was less than thrilled about this and I'll let you in on a little secret.
She didn't want me going to Memphis because my best friend whom I was visiting was also someone I slept with-ONCE!  We were having a girls night, drank too many margaritas...and you can figure out the rest.  It had happened about a year prior to this and my patience was wearing thin on the allotted time to give me shit about it.  I was patient though as the time my friend and I slept together was very close to the first time Sheri told me she loved me.

Every Sunday in early 2006 when my friend lived in NJ she and I would have girlie days, we'd watch Scrubs, drink a lot of tequila, and get the most fantastic Italian food.  Those nights I would drive the 30 minute drive home with Sheri keeping me awake.  It didn't matter what time of the night it was, mostly very late, I'd call her and she'd stay awake and talk to me until I got home and crawled into bed.  One particular night, I was a little tipsy and Sheri and I were just saying goodnight and as if she had been saying it all along just slipped in "I love you."

"I love you too."

Like second nature-no hesitation.  No second thoughts.  When we hung up the phone I laid on my back staring into the dark with the biggest, goofiest grin on my face holding on to what her voice sounded like. 
Flash forward to the current year 2007 Sheri was still giving me grief about sleeping with my friend.  She seems to think the timing was that she told me she loved me and THEN I slept with her.  No matter how much I have protested (even since then) she's convinced that's how it happened.  Sorry love, this happened before you told me you loved me.

Anyways this is why she didn't want me going to Memphis-the first time or this time.  She thought that hey, if we did it once we'll do it again. 

So plane ticket is purchased, plans are unfolding, I'm super excited to go for St. Pattie's Day.  It would be the first St. Pattie's Day that I wouldn't be spending with my boyfriend and I wanted to be AS FAR AWAY from that as possible.  Hence why I went to Memphis. 

Who should pop her little head into mine and Sheri's business while I'm down there?  Yeah-Alli, the girl from Henrietta's.

A friend of hers was having a party while I was down there and I knew some bad things were going to be happening there.  Sheri had made it known that this girl...dabbled socially... in some illegal activity.  I didn't feel comfortable with Sheri being in that environment for a very very good reason.  I told her I didn't mind if they went out, well OK who am I kidding, I HATED the idea of them going out.  This was the same girl who wrote a list of reasons why Sheri should leave me and be with her.  Yeah, she's just the type of "friend" I want my girlfriend hanging around.

*takes a deep breath*

Not to mention it's like this girl has some super-Jen-radar and knows when I'm not going to be around.  I actually believed for the first few months that if I was out of town, if I had a family party, or if I was just otherwise preoccupied Sheri was telling her this because it seemed all too convenient when I said "Hey I'm going here" and Sheri would say "Well Alli invited me to do this that weekend."

I'm surprised I'm not bald from ripping all of my hair out over this.

ANYWAYS!  Stay on track Jen-sheesh!

So I'm in Memphis-Sheri is telling me about this party and I've locked myself away in my friend's bedroom.  I feel bad that once again while visiting my friend I am too busy crying to actually enjoy spending time with her.  Sheri and I are fighting, quite loudly I might add, that she has no business hanging out with this girl who's sole purpose was to split us up.  So Sheri said "Just tell me you don't want me to go to the party and I won't go."

I said "No, I'm not going to be that girlfriend who tells you what can you and cannot do."

"I know you don't want me to go so just say it!"

"Fine," I sighed, "I don't want you to go to the party.  I don't mind if you go out with her but I don't want you in that environment with that temptation."

*silence*

"Well I'm going anyways."

I.fucking.flipped.  I screamed and hurled my phone across the living room and collapsed into a sobbing mess.  My poor friend wrapped her arms around me and just let me cry and scream and shout a very unlady like string of obsenities.

I ended up getting hammered that night at the party we threw.  So much so towards the end of the night I was lying in the middle of her living room floor with her friend who was telling me that if I was this upset that I truly loved Sheri-but if she loved me than she wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

I texted her after that about how much I love her, how it drives me crazy thinking about her with this girl-knowing their past.  Did we not mention that she hooked up with her the night she met her?  No?  Well there ya have it.  It was like "Hi, how are you?  Oh you wanna make out and I'll go down your pants?  Sure!!"  And to top it off this chick was sending pictures of her boobs to my girlfriend as a way to pursuade her to go out with her again...so yeah I didn't like this girl for a VERY good reason.  She was a snake and for some reason my girlfriend wanted her around...wow...still bitter about it....moving on...

She ended up going to the party but only staying for a little bit.  The party was held at her friend's house and she met the friend who I also had to chase off because she was eyeing up Sheri and it was this whole big lezzie drama.  Oh...funny thought...Alli tried to convince Sheri that she could still be in a relationship with me and date other people...like for instance..her.  HA! 

As usual, Sheri and I couldn't stay away from each other and I couldn't stay mad at her.  It's some unexplainable thing but when we fight and no matter how angry I get I want to snuggle up to her and tell her I love her.  However, when SHE'S angry she'll spit fire at me and then not speak to me for a day or two.  While I can just let it go and move on she simmers like a crock pot.

That's not the end of it though.

I was going to Memphis from Thursday-Sunday.  In March of 2007 there was a HUGE snowstorm that weekend and my flight home was cancelled.  I didn't mind too much and I stayed another night. 
Monday rolls around...I don't remember if my friend went to work or not.  I think she did for a half day but later she brought me to the airport for me to catch another flight home.  THAT flight was cancelled too!  They did have a connecting flight in Cleveland that I could have flown to and then catch a flight back home so that's what I opted to do.

I rush to get to my gate only to end up sitting there for 3 FREAKIN HOURS because there's no plane.  Plane gets there, I get boarded then sit on the tarmack for another hour and a half.  Did I mention that I have a crippling fear of flying?  No?  Well I do.  A panic attack,  2 xanax and a little bottle of wine later we're in the air.  I am in the last seat of the plane right next to the bathroom on the left.  I'm looking out my window and I see a pond and note how pretty it looks from up here.  A few minutes later I look out again and see "another" pond.  I look out and see "another" pond and think Hmm...that looks exactly like the other two.

Want to know why?

BECAUSE WE WERE CIRCLING THE AIRPORT.  I hear the captain come over the loud speakers *ccsshhh* Hello this is your captain speaking..uuuhh.... we are circling because....uuuhh...we don't have the thrusting capabilities in our engines to reach to the cruising altitude....uuhh...we have to cirle and burn off some extra fuel and then make an emergency landing back at Memphis International...."*ccsshh*

Son of a....

So we land.  Wait for another plane, take off, land in Cleveland.  Miss my connecting flight by HOURS.  We get there so late the airport is closed. 

I'm actually pretty calm at this point.  Sheri however is the one freaking out.  And who comes to the rescue?  Alli.  She works for a big-wig company and was very well off.  She flashed the fact that she had access to limo services, private plans, and a buttload of cash.  So Sheri's telling her I'm stranded in Clevelend until Tuesday and she offers to send a private jet for me.

Sheri calls and tells me this and I laugh, respectfully declining.  While I know it's a nice gesture I see right through her façade.  Don't think for a split second that I think she's doing this to "rescue me".  She's doing this for herself so Sheri can put her higher up on her pedestal and think "Wow..she would do this for me?  She's amazing" and swoon and the like. 

I woke up that Tuesday morning, caught a shuttle, got on the plane, and landed 2 hours later in LaGuardia.  When I got off the plane I was tired and a little drunk.  It's the only way I can fly.  That's when I saw the most adorable and beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Standing at the edge of the gate was Sheri and our friend Luis.  She was holding up a sign with my last name on it and I ran..err..stumbled into her arms.  She definately was a site for my sore eyes.

 The fight about that girl?  Rinse and repeat for the next 3 years.

Can It Get Any Worse?

Posted August 23rd, 2010

So Jen left off in the beginning of January.

That last week of December and the first week of January 2007 was probably one of the worst weeks of my life. My husband and I ending our ten year marriage wasn’t even as bad as what was to come.

So, Jen and I basically broke up the last week of December and here we are, New Years day at Friday's trying to figure out exactly where we go from here. I know shes going to Memphis and I’m not happy about it at all, but there's nothing I can do about it.

So as she said, we end up making love hours before shes to get on a plane and I’m fairly certain its gonna be for the last time even though she assures me that shes only coming back to me. Mmmhmm.  So off she goes.

Now let me say that when I’m stressed I like to clean. It's like therapy for me, I can clear my head and get organized and keep my mind occupied. So here it is, first week of January. I have a couple of days off, tree's getting yanked down…btw…I hate the holidays. I decide that I’m going to shampoo my carpets and then start my massive week long clean. So, what happens….I drop the shampooer down the stairs. FUCK….now what. Ok, tomorrow I’ll go get another one.

I had this little silky terrier, Fergie, that I’ve had for fifteen years. She is dying, and I know this but I can't lose Jen and my dog in the same week. I’m keeping a close eye on Ferg and I finally realize that I’m keeping her alive for my own selfish reasons. I have to do the humane thing and put her down, I know she's suffering and I cant do that do her anymore. I tell my kids to say their goodbyes and I call my neighbor to go with me to the animal hospital. She works for a vet so I feel better having someone there assuring me that I’m doing the right thing. So Ferg is now gone and so is Jen…

 

Happy Fucking New Year.

 

That was Thursday. I barely sleep that night, the first night in fifteen years Ferg isnt next to me. After my husband left she took up sleeping on the pillow right next to my head, almost knowing something was different around the house now. I got up and head to the store to purchase a new shampooer when my phone rings. Its my niece…"we need to talk."  Those four words are never followed by anything good.

 

 "Where are you?" she asked…

 

"driving why, whats up."

 

"You need to pull over and park"

"Ok Em, youre scaring me now. "

"Aunt Sher, mom has cancer"

….So yeah, my sister had cancer. Caught early, shes gonna have a hysterectomy and chemo and she should be ok. After the initial shock wheres off, I realize that everything is gonna be ok..it always is and this is no different. (Just so everyone knows, my sister is well, goes for preventative chemo every two weeks, looks great and has her life back thank god. She is happily planning both my niece and nephew's weddings and is looking forward to being a grandmother one day).

 

Back to the plot line.

 

So here it is, the first week of 2007. Jen and I are not together, my dog dies and I find out my sister has cancer. My year can only get better at this point. Jen comes back from Memphis and ends it with the boyfriend. She calls to say that shes going to do it and that she needed time and space and didn’t want to see or hear from me for a few days. When she was ready she would contact me. Ok, if that’s what she needed that was fine. Btw, that never happened. She couldn’t not talk to me or not see me. So the deed was done and we could move on. We decide that our “official” date of the start of our relationship will be January 12th, 2007. I finally have the girl of my dreams, now what am I going to do with her?

The Day the Earth Stood Still

This is where our story almost came to an abrupt end-and also the point that has plagued me for almost 4 years.  This is going to be a long one-and a not so happy one...

Before I continue I do want to make it perfectly clear that this whole situation still to this day makes me sick to my stomach and it is very difficult to rehash this and stir up all of these feelings.  I'm hoping that it will be cathartic but so far it just reminds me of how horrible I was, and she was no saint either.

Before we went away in November, I think even dating back to October Sheri and I had gotten into a fight about the girl she met that night at Henrietta's.  This girl was hellbent on taking Sheri away from me and she was the cause for a lot of contension in our young relationship.  I am aware now, not so much then, that I had no claim to Sheri because I was still very much with my boyfriend.  Sheri would hold her over my head and threaten me with her.  If I ever did anything wrong it was met with "Oh yeah?  Well if you do this I will go call Alli and...." It was perfectly clear that she was her rebound girl.  One false move and she'd go running to her and I couldn't, and still can't, stomach that thought.

We had exchanged commitment rings in September and when she found out that I was still seeing him she made me return everything and said every hurtful thing possible, calling me names no one should ever call someone they love.  Later in that particular fight Sheri had said that if I plan on continuing to sleep with my boyfriend that would give her free reign to sleep with whomever she pleases-meaning the girl from Henrietta's.  Not being able to stomach the thought of someone other than me touching her I begged and cried that she not do that, that if it meant stopping sleeping with my boyfriend that I would do that. 

Somehow this got misconstrued that I was leaving him.  I stopped bringing him up in discussions, I never mentioned his name around her anymore.  We were dwindling, I knew we were pretty much done but it really was just a matter of saying it.  When I was with him I only wanted to be with Sheri but at the same time I wasn't yet strong enough to leave him-so I didn't.

I recall at some point in October or November talking to Luis and saying to him "I think Sheri doesn't remember the fact that I'm still with ****.  I have no idea if and how I should tell her because the way she's acting makes me think she's either ignoring the situation or thinks I broke up with him."

It was a period of lying, sneaking, deleting text messages.  I thought to myself though that she had to know I was still with him, I would have told her if I ended things permenantly.  My friends were more than disapproving of the situation, especially at this point.  I had called one of my best friends in hysterics crying to her that I couldn't do this anymore, I couldn't lead a double life, I had to end it with one of them.
I can't believe after all of these years it's still this hard to remember this.

All of that happened before our trip in November-she thought we were exclusive even though I had never said we were.  I still to this day defend myself because I had never given her any reason to believe that I left him at that point.  A weak argument, yes, but mine nonetheless.

On December 29th, 2006 Sheri and I had gone out to dinner-me successfully dodging discussions about New Years Eve because I was fully planning on celebrating it with him.  I knew she knew something was up but I just assumed that she knew I'd be spending it with him. 

After dinner we stopped at the PetSmart she was working at so I could run in and use the bathroom.  When I was walking out of the store she was standing against her car, arms crossed, with the coldest look on her face. 

She had gone through my phone while I was in the store and found a text message from him.

I felt the ground fall out from underneath me and my stomach was doing flips.  My face went red and tears stung behind my eyes.  I tried to defend myself but it was useless-she called me a cheater, a liar, that I didn't deserve anything she had ever given me.

I clung to my argument of If I never told you I left him why would you assume that I did?

It was not a good moment for us.  She demanded everything back and told me she never wanted to speak to me or see me again. 

The next day I had my sister drive me up to the store so I could return all of her things.  She walked out of the store with the same stone cold expression on her face and told me "That better be every little damn thing I've gotten you." 

It wasn't-there was a small ornament that she had bought me of a snowman with a jingle ball that had my name written on it.  That was still in my bedroom and she spat at me saying "You don't deserve it, I want it back."

I told her I'd mail it to her, to calm herself that she'd get everything she wanted. 

Thank God for my sister though-she held me up that day.  There was a DSW next door to Sheri's store so she took me shopping.  She happened to had made me laugh walking out of the store on our way back to the car which Sheri saw from inside her store.  It was like a nail in the coffin for her-here we were on the brink of death and I'm walking with my sister and laughing.
 
Days go by, both of our worlds fall apart.  I had gone to a football game New Years Eve during the day and then I was back at ****'s house to nap and then go to the NYE party that night.  In the midst of our breakup whether it had been nerves or not I suffered from a terrible stomach flu.  Sheri was downing bottles of vodka and she was texting me at the football game about how nice it'd be if she drank so much she never woke up.  Here I am, trying to tailgate and she's talking about killing herself.  As if my stomach isn't upset enough I start yelling at her that she has two children-how dare she be so selfish and stupid. 
After the game while **** was sleeping I snuck into his living room and called a very good friend of mine in tears.  I told him all I wanted to do was leave and run to Sheri and make everything alright.  He urged me to do it, but I didn't.

I was miserable that night, **** noticed it because we left the party shortly after midnight.  I told him that I just wasn't still feeling well from being so sick so he thought it was just that.  I had to look out the window in the middle of the night and bite my lip to keep from crying.

I did do this to myself, after all.

In a few days I'd be leaving to visit my best friend in Memphis.  I had written a 2007 resolution that I would be leaving both of them, that I would branch out and find myself on my own.  Memphis was just the place to do that.

On January 1st Sheri had told me that if I ever wanted to talk to her again that I better show up at the restaurant near her so I could return my snowman ornament...and apparently rub salt into the gaping wound.  The entire way up there I tried to be strong, I tried to stand my ground and psych myself up to not run back to her by blasting, of all things, Nick Lachey's "Resolution".  It was the first time that day that I heard that song in my ipod and the entire 40 minute drive I had it on repeat, screaming out the lyrics on the top of my lungs and trying to blink the tears away.

My plan didn't go so well.  That night Sheri and I made love.  She was on top of me and she put her head down on my chest breathing heavy.  At first what I thought was an attempt to catch her breath turned out to be her crying.  I felt her tears drop onto my skin and she choked out "I'm going to lose you, I just know it."  I couldn't muster a sound so I wrapped my arms around her and held her close whispering "Shhh...shhhhh" as I stroked her hair.
 
I left for Memphis a few days after that.  Sheri and I were on better terms-our discussions had leaned towards I was going to get my shit together, I was going to really leave him this time and we'd start over, try again.

When I landed in Memphis I turned my phone on and the notifications that I had a voicemail came dinging through.  I listened to my messages while in my seat and her first message said "Hey..umm..it's me.  So Alli got a room for us in the city to make up for my crappy New Years....I don't know....call me back so we can talk about it...I hope you had a safe trip, I love you."

I wasn't on the ground for 2 minutes before I called her and screamed "Oh HELL no you're not going out with her!" into the phone.  I knew what this girl was doing, I knew she'd play on Sheri's emotions.  A "revenge fuck" is what she called it. 

Yes, what I did was shitty, but I will defend myself until the day I die that I was with my boyfriend for 2 years before Sheri entered my life and that's not something I could just walk away from.  This girl comes waltzing in in August, months after Sheri and I start seeing each other and tries to throw a freakin toolbelt into our relationship.

Sheri will argue at that point that she and I were not seeing each other.  And I say that if there was some sort of exchange of bodily fluids and penetration, that yes, yes we were.

Anyways.

Memphis was an amazingly liberating trip.  Yes there were tears shed while there-Sheri did see that girl but no she did not stay at the hotel with her.  I don't care what happened before that, and I know that I had not a leg to stand on, but if Sheri had slept with her at ANY point that we would not be here today. 
The night I came home from Memphis I texted my boyfriend that we needed to talk.  Immediately he responds "Are you breaking up with me?"  I tell him that we're not discussing this over a text message that we can have dinner the next night.

3 weeks before our 3 year anniversary my boyfriend and I ended things-officially.  It was mutual-as I said it had been coming on for months.  He was actually starting to fall out of it around the same time I did which was back in September.  I forgot how well he knew me and he mentioned I was like two different people-there was one side of me who was sweet, loving, and funny-but there was this darker side that he couldn't trust and he couldn't put his finger on it.  He knew of Sheri-but he didn't know about Sheri.  He said as we parted ways "I bet Sheri will be happy about this." 

I shrugged it off and said "Nah, I don't really talk to her much.  She's seeing someone in the city."

"Girl or guy?"

"Girl."

I don't know why I did-it was a knee-jerk reaction that was conditioned in me for nearly 6 months.
 
I wish I could say that was the beginning of the rest of our lives.  I wish I could say that was the end of the drama and everything since then has been rainbows and puppies and freaking unicorns.  But stick around-because it's not over yet.

Meet the Family

Originally Posted August 23, 2010

So yes honey, I snore.  Now that we’ve established this, we are moving on.
Sunday rolls around and as we are getting ready to go home her sister calls. Jen asks me do I want to stop and meet Maria and her husband Rich on the way home since we will be passing their exit anyways. Sure, why not. The weekend was a partial disaster; why not throw in me meeting her sister and her possibly hating me for converting her sister.
We decide to meet at the Petsmart by them as they were about to get a puppy and needed to get some things. So we walk in and we find them, they are very warm and welcoming. So far so good. They ask if we want to grab a drink…do I have a choice at this point? We head to a local pub that has tvs all over for the Sunday football games. We are going thru pitcher after pitcher of beer but I know not to drink too much for two reasons, one because I’m driving and two I need to keep my wits about me.

I'm having a perfectly lovely time when Jen and Maria decide they have to go to the bathroom. Off they go as Rich and I are sitting there talking. They wander back to the table and decide they want to go have a cigarette. I tell Jen I want to get on the road when she gets back. "No problem babe, I won’t be long." I reach into my pocket and pull out forty dollars to cover our food and drinks. I don’t want us to look like mooches. Rich ever so nicely goes, "no we got this."

I said "no Rich; we don’t expect you guys to pay for us." I said "here, take it."

He reluctantly does. Maria walks back over to the table and sees the forty sitting there. She looks at me and goes, “What is this?”. Rich explains that it’s from me for our share of the tab. She goes, “oh hell no”, take it back."

I go, "um no…it’s for our share of tab."

She goes “fine…first you go down my sister’s pants, now you won’t take your money back."

WOW…ok, time to go……Finally on the road and I tell Jen what Maria said, she goes, she’s drunk…don’t worry about it. MMHMMM. December goes off pretty well, that is until the night of the 29th… that’s when all hell breaks loose.

Yes Dear, You Snore

Posted August 22, 2010

Before I pick up where Sheri left off I feel the need revisit a very hot, steamy night in August. 

Sheri had a big fat yellow lab who one day accidently knocked over her mother.  This resulted in her mother cracking her hip and she was in the hospital and then rehab for nearly the entire month.  As she said her children were at her ex-husbands which meant the house was completely vacant (something that we both wish would be a more regular occurance)

I don't recall specifics but I was up there one night and we cooked dinner and decided to go for a swim at dusk.  Sheri's neighbors are relatively close so we decided to go swimming at that time because we knew things would be happening that they didn't need to see.

This was not the first time I had been swimming in her pool.  In July I was at her house and I had worn this little string bikini.  I had this plan in my mind that I was going to walk sexily towards the pool and slowly pull my shirt up over my head.  When I opened my eyes I expected her to be gaping at me and I'd give her a little smirk...only her back was to me and missed the entire thing.  So much for that!

After a few minutes of swimming around my inihibitions were lowering and I wanted to play coy and I untied my bikini top.  Sheri doesn't own a bathing suit so she was swimming in just shorts and a t-shirt so she took her t-shirt off and was in shorts and her bra. 

Things started...happening.  Clothes were completely off and I would stand up in the water and pretend to flash the neighbors.  Hopefully none of them were looking out the window seeing as I still come around.  She'd laugh and tell me to cut it out, she didn't want her neighbors seeing my goodies and she'd pull me down and into her.

We were kissing-that heavy, hungry, passionate kissing and true to fashion I was backed up to the side of the pool.  I felt her fingers searching for me and I did the same.  It was hard, and fast, and all I can remember is her breathing huskily into my ear "You better stop before I cum all over your hand."

I smiled a crooked smile and said "That is EXACTLY what I want you to do."

Mmmmmm
 
And I would like to clarify for the record when Sheri said a wine glass shattered by her head that did not indicate that I threw it at her.  We were sitting on my couches in my den and when I picked up my wine glass it shattered in my hand, slicing my palm open.  I just wanted to be clear about that!
 
By November things with Sheri and I were progressing in a very confusing fashion.  I was falling for her harder and harder but I was still very torn about what to do with my boyfriend.  We had decided to go away for the first time in November down to Atlantic City and it was a weekend of a roller coaster of emotions.
To start I am an extremely light sleeper and I need a fan to drown out any and all noises.  Sheri, despite her telling me she is not a snorer...is.  A loud one at that.  The first night after marathon sex I roll over and within two minutes I hear this SOUND coming from next to me.  My eyes flash open in the dark and I whisper to no one Are you KIDDING me? I turned towards her and whispered harshley "SHERI!"

"Mmmm" was her response.

Oh for the love of...

I shook her and told her that she was snoring.  She said incrediously "I don't snore."

Oh like hell you don't!

We rolled back over and within a matter of minutes she was snoring through a quart of wood again.  I knew that I wouldn't be sleeping so I just put a pillow over my head and begged that she'd shut up long enough so I could sleep.

Yeah, that didn't happen.

The next day we wake up and have morning sex.  It's at this point that I think that I am doing a fantastic job with her.  She's moaning and moving and she's sounding like she's having orgasms but yet every time I walk out of the bathroom I see her hand going beneath the sheet.  So I don't quite catch on and I just think she's insatiable so I crawl in next to her and join her. 

I'll let you in on a little secret-she doesn't clue me in until oh...a YEAR AND A HALF later that she has faked 99.9% of her orgasms and that's why she has to masturbate afterwards because I can't get her off.  We have since, in case you're wondering, addressed and corrected the issue.  And like I said initially, our sex is FANTASTIC.

Back to the story.  I'm exhausted.  I've had sex all the day before, all night, no sleep, morning sex, eat breakfast, have sex.  She got to sleep all night but when we go away she's so relaxed and also utterly exhausted from the rest of her life that all she wants to do is eat, fuck, and sleep.  Later that afternoon we want to try to take a nap.  Only problem is....SHE SNORES.  I just scrap the whole idea and I prop up my pillows and watch a movie while she sleeps next to me. 

At this point I'm cranky, I'm sore, all I want to do is get 5 minutes of sleep.  I am glaring down at her because she's sleeping away so easily like there is no one else in the world and I start to turn up the volume on the movie.  I figured If I can't sleep, I won't let her sleep!

And wouldn't you know the louder I put the movie the louder she snores! 

Maybe an hour goes by and she starts to wake up.  She peers up at me, stretches and smiles, but then sees the scowl on my face and the fact that my arms are crossed.  "What's wrong babe?" 

I turn into a whiney 5 year old and shout "I'M TIRED AND I CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE YOU'RE SNORING!"

She laughs and says "But I don't snore!"

"Oh like hell you don't!"

We get up, shower, go have dinner and a very nice evening and when we get back, have more sex, it's time for bed.  This time I will prove to her that she snores so when she falls asleep I record her on my phone.  I wish there were a way that I could upload it because I will look at her and just start mimicking her sound and she cracks up.  She swears that I recorded myself and said that she snored. 

Sorry sweetheart.  You snore.  Sometimes it's softly, sometimes it's so loud it shakes the walls. But you snore-and I still love you because of it.

She swears she doesn't snore when she's home.  Her daughter said something extremely sweet when we were joking about it.  She said "You snore with Jen because that's when you're the most relaxed."

Thanks honey, I'm glad that sleeping with me relaxes you.  I just wish not so much :)

Hotel Durango Is Now Open

Posted August 20, 2010

Ok, so I’m suppose to pick up now where Jen left off. I had a really funny tag line set up for my next post, but unfortunately I lost it on the way to posting last night. I was a tad furious but it got me thinking about stuff that I missed so maybe there was a reason I lost it. So she left off at the Yankee game. By now, I was transferred out of the store that we both had been at because upper management  caught wind of our relationship and that was a big no no. July was relatively calm, then August hit and things started to get ugly.

My mother had fallen in our back yard and was going to be in rehab for nearly a month. Up to that point I had never been alone…in my house..for any extended period of time. Someone was always there, my mother, my kids, never just alone. My ex husband kept the girls until we got things worked out as I worked 5 days a week and now my mother wasn’t there to watch the girls.

When I didn’t have them at home I was out with my friend Kaersten, who for the record is straight, drinking mostly trying to drowned my sorrows over Jen. One night she suggested we head over to Henriettas in the city. Sure, why not. I was single, my kids were safe and Jen was off doing her thing. So off we went to the city.

 

I’m perfectly happy just sitting back watching people, maybe strike up a conversation or two. And then SHE walked over.  Nice girl, very hot, and just starting talking to me. The general stuff, relationship status and things like that. We just talked, it was nice to have someone to talk to about my attempt to make this thing with Jen work. Just to be clear, I do not have a lot of friends. I tend to keep people at arms length, keep my wall up and not let a lot of people in. So it's getting late, we say our goodbyes and head home. I had a meeting at work the next morning and sure as hell Jen was calling bright and early to see how my night was. Told her what I did and she asked did I meet anyone. Yeah kinda, I replied, nothing serious. I can remember her voice calming after that like “oh thank god”.  That was until a day or two later my phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize. They left a voicemail and when I checked it later on it was the girl from the bar. But wait, I didn’t exchange numbers with her, how did she get mine? I called Kaersten and she said that she gave her my number. She said I wasn’t tied to Jen and this girl seemed nice.  I told Jen what she did and that this girl called, wanting to possibly get a drink one night after work. Sure why not. But Jen wasn’t gonna like that….wait…she still had a boyfriend and I was free to do what I wanted. So off I went.

 

I think at this point I’m not going to to go into what happened over the next few months but lets just say DRAMA.  September, relatively calm. It's early in the month and Jen calls to say that her parents are going away for the weekend and I should come down, she’ll make us dinner and just have a nice night. Sure, why not. But if I’m driving down there for dinner there better be dessert.

 

So I clean up pretty good, stop and get flowers, the whole nine yards. I get there, she’s cooking away, wine in her hand. So far so good. Dinner goes off pretty well and we head to the family room for some tv and talk.

Everything is good, she goes  “I’m gonna get some more wine”.

Ok, I’m sitting there watching tv and she walks back in with booty shorts and a bra on.  (picture jaw dropping). She comes towards me and smash, there goes the wine glass shattering right next to my head. That should’ve been the sign that I should be leaving.

She cleans it up and suggests we move into the bedroom. Well, ya don’t have to ask me twice…… We get into her room and we’re on the bed making out. Of course, earlier that day, God, with her wicked sense of humor decided that I was going to get my period so I’m off limits which is perfect because I can just focus on her.

 

Yeah, that didn’t work out so well for Sheri.

See, I was so damn nervous because this was the girl that I had wanted and now everything that I wanted was about to happen and um….. I can’t get her off. After an hour, my jaw was done. I was mortified but she was very understanding. I remember driving home that night thinking if I ever get down there again she wont know what hit her. 

 

So a few weeks later we attempt this again. This time we are in the back of my blue beast, and thank god for large suvs.  Affectionately known as “Hotel Durango” because we’ve had a lot of great sex in that car. Jen always says I can never get rid of it. Also at this point Jen is coming up from school every day on my lunch break for a booty call. I’m not complaining, I cant get enough except there’s one little problem….she still has a boyfriend. That thought is never far from my mind. 

 

October, her birthday month. I make her a collage of words that took me forever to put together. The words represented us so far, it had ticket stubs from movies and the Yankee game ticket. I also purchased her a diamond circular necklace. So which do you think she loved more? Yup , the collage. I gave her diamonds and she loves the little collage of paper words. Can’t win. Still can’t. 

November rolls around and we decide to go away.  Did I mention I snore?………

Did you Think it was Possible?

Posted August 19, 2010

 
Good evening After Elleners,

My girlfriend's account is figured out so I'm sure she will be writing her side of the story hopefully tonight-I'm looking forward to her opening line.

When I left off I was talking about how I had freaked out, panicked, ran for the hills so to speak.  I do have a question for you so this is technically "advice" -read the following and tell me if you would have ever put up with what we put each other through.

After it was established that we had mutual feelings for one another-somewhere between our first kiss and her nearly ripping my pants off at work, I wanted to toy with her.  I am not proud of how I behaved back then, as a matter of a fact even to this day I'm down right disgusted with myself.  I wanted my cake and eat it to.  I wanted her to want me but never have me.  See, Sheri was one of the most secure and confident people I had ever met and to be honest, that bugged the ever living shit out of me.  As she stated in her one post she said that she "always gets what [she] wants."  I was hell bent on teaching her a lesson.
I sent her scantily clad pictures never once showed my goodies.  I wanted her to see what she desired yet could never have.  I remember that she told me it nearly took her 3 hours to vaccuum her pool because her phone kept vibrating with pictures of me. 

I was an attention whore back then.  I am truthful in saying I have never really had the highest self esteem.  I was extremely akward in middle school and high school-most kids made fun of me for being too tall, too big chested, having too big of lips.  I had kissed my first girl at 15 and there was photographic evidence that this girl decided to spread around our freshman grade.  If any of you remember high school you know that rumors never stay where they're supposed to.  Only days later I had unknown seniors coming up to me asking if I was that dyke freshman.  I denied, denied, denied, but the damage was done.  Kids are cruel and I had taken that desire to just be liked, to just be wanted into my adult years.  I manipulated Sheri, something I am not proud to admit and it's something she's completel aware of.  I thought to myself I'm going to make her fall for me but she can't ever have me.

We see how well that worked out.

I fought her off with all of my might.  Like I said she pursued me something awful and did not take no for an answer.  There would be times at work that she would grab my hands and pin them down to my sides to assault my mouth with hers.  I'd try to squirm and get away but she was taller and much stronger than me and to try to resist her was futile.  There was one time in the Cash Office she was trying to get down my pants when we heard the door outside open.  There was a smaller office that lead into the Cash Office and when we heard the door we flew apart and I was fumbling trying to get my pants buckled.  Another manager walked in and I had my back to the door and I made my shoulders shake and made a sobbing sound like I was crying.  Sheri, on the other side of the room looked at him and hastily said "Do you think we could have a minute?"  He looked between both of us and turned on his heel and left immediately.  Nothing gets rid of a man faster than a crying woman!

That wasn't the only time we were nearly caught.  Someone, we think it was the same manager, had reversed the peep hole on the Cash Office door so they could be able to look inside and try to catch us together.  Rumors were flying, but no one had concrete evidence.

Even when I told her that we had to stop I was addicted to her.  I couldn't get enough of her, I still sauntered past her at work and I always made sure that I smelled good.  There was a time we were in the stock room counting inventory and a co-worker of mine walked past Sheri and she said "Oohhh Vicky..you smell so good!"  Vicky mentioned the scent she was wearing and that night I went to the store to buy some.  There was no way that another girl was going to take her attention away from me.

But someone did.

I will not mention her name for the sake of her identity but she was Sheri's pawn.  Sheri knew that she wanted only me but she also knew me well enough that she wasn't going to win me over just on her charm alone.  I was the favorite in the store, everyone knew this.  I was her pet.  When I stopped hooking up with Sheri I had said to her that she was free to see whomever she wanted, but I asked out of respect to me not to parade it in front of my face.  Apparently all she heard was "parade it in front of my face." 

There was this girl in our grooming salon who Sheri turned her attention on.  There was nothing overly special about this girl, she was shorter than me, a little more umm...white trash than me...but when I would walk down the aisles and I would glance into the salon and I would see Sheri sitting on the stool talking to her it made my blood boil.  This girl, perhaps unknowingly, added fuel to that fire.  I don't know if she was interested in Sheri, I don't know if she was aware what Sheri was using her for.  If I had class and her shift was over she used to come back into the store, parading around in a tube top just to spend time with Sheri. 

One night I was driving home from class and I got a text message from Sheri.  When I opened it it said "She has a better body than Jen."

I called her immediately sternly asking "WHO has a better body than me??"

She was so confused, she thought that I had somehow listened in to a conversation she was having.  It turned out that she was trying to text our friend Luis about the girl who came back that night in just yoga pants and a tube top.  And she swears to this day that it was a completely rogue text message, as she says on her phone J, K, and L were all on the same number.  What she meant to text Luis she accidently texted to me.  And if I may, she DID NOT ever have a better body than me.  She was shorter than me, not heavy but on the thicker side, and she had boobs like *ba DAMN!!!*   Better body my ass...phuuhhh.

There was one day I left for class and Sheri was in the salon talking to her.  Hours later, after class was over and I was home I called the store to talk to her.  When she picked up the phone I heard the familiar air dryer sound in the background.  "Where are you?"  I asked her.

"Ummm," she hesitated, "the salon."

*click* 

Now I now that I had absolutely no reason to be jealous.  After all, I was still very involved with my boyfriend at that time no intention of leaving him.  But damnit, if I wasn't selfish and wanted her attention only on me!  I needed her to crave me.  I texted her "But I'm the favorite."

And she texted back "No, you were the favorite."

That stung, you have no idea how much that stung.  We were still close though.  We still did things together even though I was horrified.  I always had to have a buffer with her if we went out after work.  There was a few times we had gone bowling and we did have a co-worker with us.  I wanted it to be clear that we were to only be friends and the first night we went bowling just the two of us I was very nervously looking around.  I was still unsure in myself, in my sexuality, what I was feeling for her that I didn't want to be alone with her.  She scared me.  She had her friend "pop in" at the bowling alley and I called my sister the next day and hissed into the phone "She had one of her friends show up!  I was so pissed off!"

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to meet her friends!  I don't want her to think that it was like a date or anything!"

"Was it?"

"Oh my god no!  We're only friends!" Deny, deny, deny.

In the beginning of June of 2006 I had gone over to her house for the first time to help her pick out flowers for her planters.  We had such a good day that day, giggling in Home Depot, bickering like an old married couple.  I remember the cashier looking at her, then looking back at me, with a smile on her face but still a little perplexed trying to figure out our relationship.  I was helping her, spending time with her children who were at that time just about to turn 4 and 11.  We were standing in her kitchen-one of the very few moments that we had alone in the house and I was leaning up against her counter and she started to lean in.  I pulled away from her and said "Please don't, I'm confused enough as it is already."

She was hurt, and rightfully so.  I left shortly after that.  Let me correct myself, I was thrown out shortly after that.

But like a moth to a flame.

About a week later, June 11, 2006 to be exact, we went to a Yankees game.  It was Sheri, myself, her friend Kaersten, and Sheri's oldest daughter, Hannah.  That day, oh my goodness was the alcohol flowing.  We had so much fun, laughing, drinking, eating.  The secret glances, my secret smile, my heart would jump when she would so much breathe in my direction.  On the way home from the game with Hannah and Kaersten in the backseat, we held hands.  We would look at each other out of the corner of our eyes and I'd break out into a mile wild smile.  I knew after that day that I couldn't stay away from her.  Our connection was just far too magnetic and I wanted nothing more than to be with her.

So we tried again.  Little did we know that what we had already put ourselves through with the jealousy at work, me freaking out about being with her, that this wouldn't even touch upon what the upcoming months held in store for us.

First Kiss and First Freakout

Originally posted August 18, 2010:


I'm glad that I got some response to what I posted yesterday-I was nervously checking AE every 5 minutes seeing if anyone read The Story of US.  When 4 hours had gone by and not one comment I was just going to wrap it up there and not continue-however my readers on my other forum urged me to be persistant.  My girlfriend seems to think we'll be the next Gay Judy and Hetero Heather.  If you don't know who they are, google them and prepared to be entertained.


We may or may not write every day so if you do find us interesting enough to follow I'm assuming there is some way to add us to a buddy list of some sorts.  I really have no clue, I'm relatively new to posting on this site.


I guess I'll pick up where my girlfriend left off


It was..I'm guessing late March of 2006 when I started to realize that I was falling for Sheri.  By this time not only were we going out to lunch for 2 hours a day but we'd also go out after work, depending on if I had class or not or if I was to see my boyfriend at the time.  Now I'm not proud of how I behaved, in fact I still carry the guilt of dating two people at once to this day.  I justified it by saying that since he and I were "not committed" (oh this is a whole 'nother story in and of itself. Short version-I "cheated"(and by cheated I mean kissed) my old manager at PetSmart (yes it was a guy) and he found out, broke up with me, and we got back together but we were never made "official" again and we were allowed to date other people)  So Sheri wasn't the first person I had pursued since my boyfriend and I had broken up but she was the first person that I fell for, and fell for hard. 


When I realized that I started to like her I had to muster up the courage to tell her.  Read: Liquid Courage.  I figured when we went to lunch that day and after I had a Peach Cosmo or two I would be more loose lipped and I could tell her how I felt.  That morning I was counting in my drawer and as she stated a manager is always required to be there.  I'm horrible enough with math as it were and with her sitting there, staring at me, my hands were shaking and I was dropping change all over the place.  I had to gather my thoughts and so I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  When I opened them and glanced at her sure enough she was staring right back at me.


"I have to tell you something," I barely whispered looking back down at my cash drawer.


"Ok, what is it," Sheri said, quite matter-of-factly.


"No," I started to grin my nervous grin, "not now...at lunch, when I've had a drink or two."  My nervous giggle started to surface.


"No, whatever you have to tell me then you can tell me now."  Fuckin eh, can't she see me sweating over here?!


"I can't..." my face was so flushed I felt like I was about to cry.


"Then don't tell me at all if you need to have alcohol to let it out."  Ugh-why was she being so mean!
"I......I like you." I mumbled.  Oh God, no turning back now.


"Yeah, I like you too.  We're friends."  She said- ohemgee she was not getting the picture!


"No...I like you like you....more than a friend."  I felt like a pre-teen finally telling her crush for the first time.  I was about to write a note that said "Do you like me? Yes, No, Maybe...circle one"


"Oh," she responded.  "Well that sucks."  And she slaps her hands onto her knees, stands up, and walks out. 
Meanwhile I'm sitting there, completely and utterly dumbfounded with my jaw probably on the floor.  What in the shit just happened? I'm thinking to myself.  Oh my God, maybe I read the signals wrong...maybe she doesn't like me at all!  My stomach was in my shoes and my heart had dropped out completely.  I grabbed my cash drawer and walked out dazed and confused-and on the verge of tears.


Later that day we went to lunch and she apologized for saying "this sucks". She was caught off guard and didn't know how to respond.  I sat there across the booth from her in Uno's, sipping on my Peach Cosmo with my feet up on her seat.  After all those hours I finally felt my heartbeat return to normal and I was about to cry again but for a completely different reason.  She liked me too, but there was this whole--umm--boyfriend situation.  I wasn't prepared to leave him.  He was safe, I had been with him for so long, planning on marrying him.  We talked after that about how I'm torn, that if she wanted to pursue this she would have to understand that I wasn't just going to up and leave my boyfriend of so many years.  She nodded that she understood but in her mind it was game on-she pursued me at full throttle.


It was a few weeks later in April that we were celebrating her 40th birthday.  I decided to be a Betty Crocker and I baked her her favorite cake, a simple yellow cake with buttercream icing and rainbow sprinkles.  She was so touched and I think I got her a card, but I can't clearly remember if I did.  It was about a week after her birthday that our first kiss happened.


Once again we were in the Cash Office which by then we had dubbed The Confessional.  I was again cashing out my drawer and she was placing the order for bills for the next day.  There was something different about that day-there was this electricity and anticipation in the air.  I was chatting away as usual and Sheri was sitting in her chair, her leg nervously bouncing at a quick pace.  Like she said she has to wait to get that twinge in her stomach and I guess that day she had it.  As I stood up to leave she rose from her seat as well.  I had to walk past her to get to the door but as I did she put her hand on my stomach and gently pushed me against the wall.  With her right hand she flicked off the light and my head was screaming OH MY GOD THIS IS IT!!!


She pressed herself against me and in the glow of the computer monitor I saw her eyes searching for mine.  She smirked this smirk that made me melt and her eyes asked for permission.  Within seconds her lips pressed softly against mine.  First it was warm, delicate...and then hungry.  Our tongues were dancing and her hands were wandering.  After what seemed like an hour we seperated and she looked at me, smiling yet almost apologetic.  She just flicked the light back on and walked out of the office, and me following her in a daze.  I had this stupid smile on my face and when I walked out of the office I looked at our gay friend Luis who was on register and his eyes got wide.  He immediately knew what happened.  He clapped his little gay clap and did a little jig because he was so excited that we finally hooked up.


Apparently it had been a while in the making.


The Cash Office aka Confessional was also dubbed the make-out room.  Anywhere Sheri could put her hands on me she did.  She'd give me this "come hither" look and I'd follow her for an intense make-out and petting session and she'd always leave me somewhat dishevled and gasping for air.  I was still very reserved because even though I had been with women before her I had never 1) been with an older woman and 2) had feelings for said woman.  This was completely new territory and the speed at which we were moving made me panic.


There were instances were all she wanted was to have her hands and lips on me.  There was an attic portion to our stock room that she lead me up to one day.  We started kissing and I felt her fingers fumbling at my pants.  I was nervous, I didn't want to really, but I complied.  I mimicked her movements and clumsily undid her belt buckle and unzippered her mile-long zipper (inside joke).  Our fingers found each other and it was the first time in years I touched a woman like I touched her.  Our hips were grinding, our breathing was heavy, and my lord were we wet.  After a few minutes I tried to pull away from her but my back was pinned against the wall-unfortunately for me since there was black soot all over it and ended up staining my pants.  I breathed into her ear that we had to get back to work so we collected ourselves, straighened our clothes, and walked downstairs and back on to the floor. 


It was after that day that I started to pull away from her.  I wasn't ready to be this involved, I freaked out and I ran.  I told her that I couldn't do this, that I couldn't be with her.  I wasn't ready to leave my boyfriend, I wasn't ready to be this physical with a woman, I wasn't ready to face the reality.  She respected that, to a certain extent.  And we for the most part went our seperate ways...but that didn't last long....

Who You Callin Slave Driver?

  

ok, so this is how i write. i dont capitalize but i do use punctuation. i am the slave driver in this lovely little story and i think this is where im suppose to pick this up. first a quick background history.

yes, 44 years old, divorced mother of two, born and bread in the  lovely garden state. in and out of relationships since i was 16, married at 26 divorced at 40. i am divorced almost 5 years, my girls are 15 and 8. my ex husband is remarried and he and his new wife have just had a little girl together. happy for his life, because without him wanting out of our marriage i wouldnt have found the love of my life.

 but enough about me, onto us. yes, so for those of you that read the wonderful post by my gf we had a very interesting beginning. i had only been divorced for 2 and half months when we met. i had been in several other relationships with girls but this girl was different. i wasnt even interested in a relationship having just ended a 10 year marriage. so fresh start, new job, now opportunities. i walked in and in a very short amount of time i knew i was in trouble. all i wanted to do was be next to this girl. we would talk for hours and i fully knew that she was in a long term relationship. i was also sleeping with a married man, a relationship that had gone on for nearly 20 years. wait, let me correct so theres no misunderstanding. i NEVER slept with this man during my marriage. but we had a history and it was a comfortable situation. anyways, this girl....just blew me away. smart, funny, sexy as all hell...and i knew i had to have her and i always get what i want.

 so times going by and i make sure she works when i work because when shes not there im miserable. im literally pacing at the door waiting for her to get there. we had our hour long martini filled lunches and we would go toss the football around in our gigantic store room. once the flirtation started she would throw the ball then flash me her boobs and the ball would literally whiz passed me because im too busy trying to lift m y jaw off the floor. so...game on.

a few days later she came into work with that "can we please go to lunch today, i need to talk to you". i having no patience told her that she could just tell me what she wanted to talk about. well, she had a dream, the dream she wrote about. so after telling me she liked me, and not in the "i like you like a friend" comment i was so dumbfounded that i got up and said well "this sucks". the girl that i had a massive crush on "liked me". wow. unbelieveable. did i mention im 40, thats what i remember thinking because she only 22. this will never work. so on our day went, slightly ackward to say the least. we went to lunch and talked, trying to figure out how to proceed. i was still her boss and she had a boyfriend, what a mess. but as she mentioned above the sexual tension was killing us. until.....that fateful day.

ok, so when i have to do something that im afraid to do i literally have to get this little twinge in my belly. then i know its the right time. so we are working together and the timeis coming for her to leave and count out her draw in the cash office. a manager has to be present for this for obvious reason. so there i sat watching her count and all i want to do is kiss her. she has this mouth and lips that just scream KISS ME. and then it happens, the twinge hits and im thinking it now or never. she goes, ok, im all set and she gets up to leave. we are 12 inches from one another as she tries to get past me (the cash office is very tiny) and i make my move. she looked at me and i took my right hand and gently pushed her to the wall and i kissed her, the best first kiss ever. after stepping back she looks at me with those eyes that melt me and goes "took ya long enough". she goes, i gotta go to class and she walked out with that stupid smile on, the one that when people look at you they know you just did something dirty. of she went to class, and me back to work. tomorrow would be another day.