Wednesday, June 15, 2011

First Kiss and First Freakout

Originally posted August 18, 2010:


I'm glad that I got some response to what I posted yesterday-I was nervously checking AE every 5 minutes seeing if anyone read The Story of US.  When 4 hours had gone by and not one comment I was just going to wrap it up there and not continue-however my readers on my other forum urged me to be persistant.  My girlfriend seems to think we'll be the next Gay Judy and Hetero Heather.  If you don't know who they are, google them and prepared to be entertained.


We may or may not write every day so if you do find us interesting enough to follow I'm assuming there is some way to add us to a buddy list of some sorts.  I really have no clue, I'm relatively new to posting on this site.


I guess I'll pick up where my girlfriend left off


It was..I'm guessing late March of 2006 when I started to realize that I was falling for Sheri.  By this time not only were we going out to lunch for 2 hours a day but we'd also go out after work, depending on if I had class or not or if I was to see my boyfriend at the time.  Now I'm not proud of how I behaved, in fact I still carry the guilt of dating two people at once to this day.  I justified it by saying that since he and I were "not committed" (oh this is a whole 'nother story in and of itself. Short version-I "cheated"(and by cheated I mean kissed) my old manager at PetSmart (yes it was a guy) and he found out, broke up with me, and we got back together but we were never made "official" again and we were allowed to date other people)  So Sheri wasn't the first person I had pursued since my boyfriend and I had broken up but she was the first person that I fell for, and fell for hard. 


When I realized that I started to like her I had to muster up the courage to tell her.  Read: Liquid Courage.  I figured when we went to lunch that day and after I had a Peach Cosmo or two I would be more loose lipped and I could tell her how I felt.  That morning I was counting in my drawer and as she stated a manager is always required to be there.  I'm horrible enough with math as it were and with her sitting there, staring at me, my hands were shaking and I was dropping change all over the place.  I had to gather my thoughts and so I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  When I opened them and glanced at her sure enough she was staring right back at me.


"I have to tell you something," I barely whispered looking back down at my cash drawer.


"Ok, what is it," Sheri said, quite matter-of-factly.


"No," I started to grin my nervous grin, "not now...at lunch, when I've had a drink or two."  My nervous giggle started to surface.


"No, whatever you have to tell me then you can tell me now."  Fuckin eh, can't she see me sweating over here?!


"I can't..." my face was so flushed I felt like I was about to cry.


"Then don't tell me at all if you need to have alcohol to let it out."  Ugh-why was she being so mean!
"I......I like you." I mumbled.  Oh God, no turning back now.


"Yeah, I like you too.  We're friends."  She said- ohemgee she was not getting the picture!


"No...I like you like you....more than a friend."  I felt like a pre-teen finally telling her crush for the first time.  I was about to write a note that said "Do you like me? Yes, No, Maybe...circle one"


"Oh," she responded.  "Well that sucks."  And she slaps her hands onto her knees, stands up, and walks out. 
Meanwhile I'm sitting there, completely and utterly dumbfounded with my jaw probably on the floor.  What in the shit just happened? I'm thinking to myself.  Oh my God, maybe I read the signals wrong...maybe she doesn't like me at all!  My stomach was in my shoes and my heart had dropped out completely.  I grabbed my cash drawer and walked out dazed and confused-and on the verge of tears.


Later that day we went to lunch and she apologized for saying "this sucks". She was caught off guard and didn't know how to respond.  I sat there across the booth from her in Uno's, sipping on my Peach Cosmo with my feet up on her seat.  After all those hours I finally felt my heartbeat return to normal and I was about to cry again but for a completely different reason.  She liked me too, but there was this whole--umm--boyfriend situation.  I wasn't prepared to leave him.  He was safe, I had been with him for so long, planning on marrying him.  We talked after that about how I'm torn, that if she wanted to pursue this she would have to understand that I wasn't just going to up and leave my boyfriend of so many years.  She nodded that she understood but in her mind it was game on-she pursued me at full throttle.


It was a few weeks later in April that we were celebrating her 40th birthday.  I decided to be a Betty Crocker and I baked her her favorite cake, a simple yellow cake with buttercream icing and rainbow sprinkles.  She was so touched and I think I got her a card, but I can't clearly remember if I did.  It was about a week after her birthday that our first kiss happened.


Once again we were in the Cash Office which by then we had dubbed The Confessional.  I was again cashing out my drawer and she was placing the order for bills for the next day.  There was something different about that day-there was this electricity and anticipation in the air.  I was chatting away as usual and Sheri was sitting in her chair, her leg nervously bouncing at a quick pace.  Like she said she has to wait to get that twinge in her stomach and I guess that day she had it.  As I stood up to leave she rose from her seat as well.  I had to walk past her to get to the door but as I did she put her hand on my stomach and gently pushed me against the wall.  With her right hand she flicked off the light and my head was screaming OH MY GOD THIS IS IT!!!


She pressed herself against me and in the glow of the computer monitor I saw her eyes searching for mine.  She smirked this smirk that made me melt and her eyes asked for permission.  Within seconds her lips pressed softly against mine.  First it was warm, delicate...and then hungry.  Our tongues were dancing and her hands were wandering.  After what seemed like an hour we seperated and she looked at me, smiling yet almost apologetic.  She just flicked the light back on and walked out of the office, and me following her in a daze.  I had this stupid smile on my face and when I walked out of the office I looked at our gay friend Luis who was on register and his eyes got wide.  He immediately knew what happened.  He clapped his little gay clap and did a little jig because he was so excited that we finally hooked up.


Apparently it had been a while in the making.


The Cash Office aka Confessional was also dubbed the make-out room.  Anywhere Sheri could put her hands on me she did.  She'd give me this "come hither" look and I'd follow her for an intense make-out and petting session and she'd always leave me somewhat dishevled and gasping for air.  I was still very reserved because even though I had been with women before her I had never 1) been with an older woman and 2) had feelings for said woman.  This was completely new territory and the speed at which we were moving made me panic.


There were instances were all she wanted was to have her hands and lips on me.  There was an attic portion to our stock room that she lead me up to one day.  We started kissing and I felt her fingers fumbling at my pants.  I was nervous, I didn't want to really, but I complied.  I mimicked her movements and clumsily undid her belt buckle and unzippered her mile-long zipper (inside joke).  Our fingers found each other and it was the first time in years I touched a woman like I touched her.  Our hips were grinding, our breathing was heavy, and my lord were we wet.  After a few minutes I tried to pull away from her but my back was pinned against the wall-unfortunately for me since there was black soot all over it and ended up staining my pants.  I breathed into her ear that we had to get back to work so we collected ourselves, straighened our clothes, and walked downstairs and back on to the floor. 


It was after that day that I started to pull away from her.  I wasn't ready to be this involved, I freaked out and I ran.  I told her that I couldn't do this, that I couldn't be with her.  I wasn't ready to leave my boyfriend, I wasn't ready to be this physical with a woman, I wasn't ready to face the reality.  She respected that, to a certain extent.  And we for the most part went our seperate ways...but that didn't last long....

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