Posted August 19, 2010
Good evening After Elleners,
My girlfriend's account is figured out so I'm sure she will be writing her side of the story hopefully tonight-I'm looking forward to her opening line.
When I left off I was talking about how I had freaked out, panicked, ran for the hills so to speak. I do have a question for you so this is technically "advice" -read the following and tell me if you would have ever put up with what we put each other through.
After it was established that we had mutual feelings for one another-somewhere between our first kiss and her nearly ripping my pants off at work, I wanted to toy with her. I am not proud of how I behaved back then, as a matter of a fact even to this day I'm down right disgusted with myself. I wanted my cake and eat it to. I wanted her to want me but never have me. See, Sheri was one of the most secure and confident people I had ever met and to be honest, that bugged the ever living shit out of me. As she stated in her one post she said that she "always gets what [she] wants." I was hell bent on teaching her a lesson.
I sent her scantily clad pictures never once showed my goodies. I wanted her to see what she desired yet could never have. I remember that she told me it nearly took her 3 hours to vaccuum her pool because her phone kept vibrating with pictures of me.
I was an attention whore back then. I am truthful in saying I have never really had the highest self esteem. I was extremely akward in middle school and high school-most kids made fun of me for being too tall, too big chested, having too big of lips. I had kissed my first girl at 15 and there was photographic evidence that this girl decided to spread around our freshman grade. If any of you remember high school you know that rumors never stay where they're supposed to. Only days later I had unknown seniors coming up to me asking if I was that dyke freshman. I denied, denied, denied, but the damage was done. Kids are cruel and I had taken that desire to just be liked, to just be wanted into my adult years. I manipulated Sheri, something I am not proud to admit and it's something she's completel aware of. I thought to myself I'm going to make her fall for me but she can't ever have me.
We see how well that worked out.
I fought her off with all of my might. Like I said she pursued me something awful and did not take no for an answer. There would be times at work that she would grab my hands and pin them down to my sides to assault my mouth with hers. I'd try to squirm and get away but she was taller and much stronger than me and to try to resist her was futile. There was one time in the Cash Office she was trying to get down my pants when we heard the door outside open. There was a smaller office that lead into the Cash Office and when we heard the door we flew apart and I was fumbling trying to get my pants buckled. Another manager walked in and I had my back to the door and I made my shoulders shake and made a sobbing sound like I was crying. Sheri, on the other side of the room looked at him and hastily said "Do you think we could have a minute?" He looked between both of us and turned on his heel and left immediately. Nothing gets rid of a man faster than a crying woman!
That wasn't the only time we were nearly caught. Someone, we think it was the same manager, had reversed the peep hole on the Cash Office door so they could be able to look inside and try to catch us together. Rumors were flying, but no one had concrete evidence.
Even when I told her that we had to stop I was addicted to her. I couldn't get enough of her, I still sauntered past her at work and I always made sure that I smelled good. There was a time we were in the stock room counting inventory and a co-worker of mine walked past Sheri and she said "Oohhh Vicky..you smell so good!" Vicky mentioned the scent she was wearing and that night I went to the store to buy some. There was no way that another girl was going to take her attention away from me.
But someone did.
I will not mention her name for the sake of her identity but she was Sheri's pawn. Sheri knew that she wanted only me but she also knew me well enough that she wasn't going to win me over just on her charm alone. I was the favorite in the store, everyone knew this. I was her pet. When I stopped hooking up with Sheri I had said to her that she was free to see whomever she wanted, but I asked out of respect to me not to parade it in front of my face. Apparently all she heard was "parade it in front of my face."
There was this girl in our grooming salon who Sheri turned her attention on. There was nothing overly special about this girl, she was shorter than me, a little more umm...white trash than me...but when I would walk down the aisles and I would glance into the salon and I would see Sheri sitting on the stool talking to her it made my blood boil. This girl, perhaps unknowingly, added fuel to that fire. I don't know if she was interested in Sheri, I don't know if she was aware what Sheri was using her for. If I had class and her shift was over she used to come back into the store, parading around in a tube top just to spend time with Sheri.
One night I was driving home from class and I got a text message from Sheri. When I opened it it said "She has a better body than Jen."
I called her immediately sternly asking "WHO has a better body than me??"
She was so confused, she thought that I had somehow listened in to a conversation she was having. It turned out that she was trying to text our friend Luis about the girl who came back that night in just yoga pants and a tube top. And she swears to this day that it was a completely rogue text message, as she says on her phone J, K, and L were all on the same number. What she meant to text Luis she accidently texted to me. And if I may, she DID NOT ever have a better body than me. She was shorter than me, not heavy but on the thicker side, and she had boobs like *ba DAMN!!!* Better body my ass...phuuhhh.
There was one day I left for class and Sheri was in the salon talking to her. Hours later, after class was over and I was home I called the store to talk to her. When she picked up the phone I heard the familiar air dryer sound in the background. "Where are you?" I asked her.
"Ummm," she hesitated, "the salon."
*click*
Now I now that I had absolutely no reason to be jealous. After all, I was still very involved with my boyfriend at that time no intention of leaving him. But damnit, if I wasn't selfish and wanted her attention only on me! I needed her to crave me. I texted her "But I'm the favorite."
And she texted back "No, you were the favorite."
That stung, you have no idea how much that stung. We were still close though. We still did things together even though I was horrified. I always had to have a buffer with her if we went out after work. There was a few times we had gone bowling and we did have a co-worker with us. I wanted it to be clear that we were to only be friends and the first night we went bowling just the two of us I was very nervously looking around. I was still unsure in myself, in my sexuality, what I was feeling for her that I didn't want to be alone with her. She scared me. She had her friend "pop in" at the bowling alley and I called my sister the next day and hissed into the phone "She had one of her friends show up! I was so pissed off!"
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to meet her friends! I don't want her to think that it was like a date or anything!"
"Was it?"
"Oh my god no! We're only friends!" Deny, deny, deny.
In the beginning of June of 2006 I had gone over to her house for the first time to help her pick out flowers for her planters. We had such a good day that day, giggling in Home Depot, bickering like an old married couple. I remember the cashier looking at her, then looking back at me, with a smile on her face but still a little perplexed trying to figure out our relationship. I was helping her, spending time with her children who were at that time just about to turn 4 and 11. We were standing in her kitchen-one of the very few moments that we had alone in the house and I was leaning up against her counter and she started to lean in. I pulled away from her and said "Please don't, I'm confused enough as it is already."
She was hurt, and rightfully so. I left shortly after that. Let me correct myself, I was thrown out shortly after that.
But like a moth to a flame.
About a week later, June 11, 2006 to be exact, we went to a Yankees game. It was Sheri, myself, her friend Kaersten, and Sheri's oldest daughter, Hannah. That day, oh my goodness was the alcohol flowing. We had so much fun, laughing, drinking, eating. The secret glances, my secret smile, my heart would jump when she would so much breathe in my direction. On the way home from the game with Hannah and Kaersten in the backseat, we held hands. We would look at each other out of the corner of our eyes and I'd break out into a mile wild smile. I knew after that day that I couldn't stay away from her. Our connection was just far too magnetic and I wanted nothing more than to be with her.
So we tried again. Little did we know that what we had already put ourselves through with the jealousy at work, me freaking out about being with her, that this wouldn't even touch upon what the upcoming months held in store for us.
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