Well, this was unexpected.
Sheri and I had a very lovely Saturday last week. We did our typical shopping around and went from store to store holding hands or having our arms snaked around another. We're furniture shopping for her bedroom and living room so we were chattering away about what will look good, and what stores have just hideous furniture. We went to an early lunch at the deli we used to eat at all the time when we worked together and looked out the window and talked about my father who is not doing well.
We stopped at some other stores so I could pick up more Christmas gifts for Hannah and Jillian. I was walking through the store holding up my conquests shouting "BEST STEPMOTHER EVER!" Sheri was laughing walking beside me. We finally migrated back to my apartment where we were to spend the rest of the afternoon like growths on my couch before we went to our annual Christmas Ruth's Chris Steakhouse dinner.
We hunker down and I have my laptop on my lap trying to load a program. I hear her sniffling next to me but I'm not paying any attention to it. I figure she's sniffling because her cat allergy is flaring up since I had just cleaned. She was sucking on mini pretzels and complaining about how she's so stressed and all she does is eat when she's stressed. I barely look over to her and ask "What are you stressed about?"
She doesn't answer me and I shrug and go back to the loading game and figure it's either be about money or the college process we're going through with Hannah. She wipes her hands on her pants and stands up and walks over to her coat that's hanging over on the back of my desk chair. Again, I am barely even paying attention to her and thought she was getting up just to get a wet paper towel for her itchy eyes.
She says something to me that I don't quite make out and when I look up she's standing there with a red box in her hand and she has tears welled in her eyes. She sits down next to me and is shaking like a leaf so badly she can barely open the box and when she finally does she puts it on the laptop right on front of me. She can't even form words and when she does she says "Yes, that is what you think it is."
In all honesty I thought it was another promise ring.
I stared at the ring gleaming back at me and I was trying to process what this was, what it meant, and holy shit, she is asking me to marry her!
I am not your typical girl. I did not have your typical reaction. I didn't shout "YES! YES YES YES YES!" and hold out my finger for her to put it on. Now looking back I don't even think I was breathing. And then I cried. I looked at her anxious expression with tears streaming down her face and I put my head in my hands and bawled. My heart was pounding out of my chest, I felt heat creeping through every inch of my body, and I unsuccessfully tried to quell the panic rising into my throat. All I could think was What am I going to tell my parents?
I'm sure this was not going according to her plan. And I had the same initial reaction to when she gave me my promise ring three years ago. Panic and dumbfoundedness.
This was quickly becoming that same situation all over again. I kept looking at her, trying to catch my breath all the while she is watching me. She says "Here, at least let me put it on." Mind you I haven't even spoken a word yet and I think if I let her put it on, that means I'm saying yes. Wait, AM I saying yes? We've talked about this. We've talked about our future and moving forward. I want this, right? Yes, I do want this. Oh my God, this is going to kill my parents.
She worries that I don't like the ring. The flood gates open and she starts rambling "If you don't like it I can return it. I thought it might be too small, but I don't think so. And I've had it for months, I've been paying it off. Hannah and Jillian helped me pick it out. And I told Susie in October at Katie's wedding. She told me that you love your promise ring but it always snags your clothes and I better not get anything that snags your clothes! And Luis knows. I told him. And Kaersten knows. So do Wendy and Lori. I showed them last night. I was asking everyone for their input on how to do this. I was going to do it when we went into the city. I was going to propose on the top of the ferris wheel in Toys R Us, or at the Top of the Rock at Rockefeller Center. But then I thought, oh I can't do this in public, what if it goes very very bad? And then Wendy suggested I do it somewhere that means something to us, that's comfortable. So I was going to do it tonight right before we left for dinner. I was going to hide your promise ring and when you went to look for it I was going to open the box and say 'Maybe you could wear this one instead.' But while we were sitting here my heart started to pound and I was about to be sick. I knew I couldn't wait another four hours. And by seeing how hard you're crying now I'm really glad I didn't do it in public or waited until tonight. I wanted to do it in October when we were in Philadelphia but I didn't want to take away from Katie's wedding. And then everything happened, the hurricane, and everything with your father. And.....and I thought to do it now because I thought you needed something good in your life."
She finally takes a breath and asks cautiously, "Do you like it?"
I slowly nod, trying to comprehend. I look down at my left finger that is now home to this engagement ring. And I start to cry again because I will miss my promise ring. My promise ring has been worn every day for the past 3 years and I loved it. I never got tired of looking at it, I never got tired of twisting it to catch the light so I can see the glint of the diamond. And now I wasn't going to wear it anymore. I get overly attached to my possessions and this would be no different. I felt like it was going to be sad that I no longer had a purpose for it, that I no longer had a use for it. I looked up at her while she dabbed her eyes and said "It truly is beautiful."
I started to calm down when I realized this wasn't going to change anything. This didn't mean we had to get married any time soon (or at all-we may be one of those couples who are engaged forever). I never thought marriage was in our cards. I said as much. She exclaimed "But it's all you've been talking about for months! All of these subtle hints about wanting to get married! You even had our sims get engaged!"
I did. I did talk about it a lot. And I did ring shop a bit. And I did think about it. But I never in a million years actually thought it would happen. Especially not now. Her timing is less than stellar with everything going on with my father, but I understand why she said that she wanted there to be something happy as well during the time of so much sadness. And I think that is so incredibly sweet that all she wants to do is try to make me happy, to try and be my bright spot throughout all of this.
After we calmed down I snuggled into her and kissed her. I whispered "Well hello there, my fiance!"
She laughed and said "Oh God! That's going to take some getting used to!"
Later while I was getting ready for dinner I joked about how she didn't even get down on one knee. She looked at me and said "If I had done that you would have been going 'what are you doing? Why are you on your knee. Please get up, PLEASE stand up!'" I laughed and said "Yeah, you're right. You can do it now though! Now I'm expecting it." So she got down on one knee, I handed her the ring back, and she proposed the right way (and I responded the right way).
We went to dinner where I played with the ring and we talked about how we could combine our last name. And when we got home my eyes flashed with excitement and asked "should I call my friends?" So we got my three best friends on speaker phone and I did a whole schpiel about getting together so I could...show them my engagement ring! H and K gasped (and H threatened me with bodily harm if she is not a bridesmaid), and S faked gasped since she already knew about it.
After I hung up the phone with Susie I was looking at my feet and I choked out "Thank you. I never thought that I would get to do that. After Katie called me back in June to tell me she was engaged I cried so hard thinking that this will never be me. And now it is. And I feel so...normal. Thank you for giving this to me." She wrapped me in her arms and we laid there on my couch. My fiance and me.
But yes. We are engaged. I woke up to a text one morning from Sheri that said "Good morning my beautiful fiance." And I smiled. Which is good. Because at least I didn't cry and panic.
We stopped at some other stores so I could pick up more Christmas gifts for Hannah and Jillian. I was walking through the store holding up my conquests shouting "BEST STEPMOTHER EVER!" Sheri was laughing walking beside me. We finally migrated back to my apartment where we were to spend the rest of the afternoon like growths on my couch before we went to our annual Christmas Ruth's Chris Steakhouse dinner.
We hunker down and I have my laptop on my lap trying to load a program. I hear her sniffling next to me but I'm not paying any attention to it. I figure she's sniffling because her cat allergy is flaring up since I had just cleaned. She was sucking on mini pretzels and complaining about how she's so stressed and all she does is eat when she's stressed. I barely look over to her and ask "What are you stressed about?"
She doesn't answer me and I shrug and go back to the loading game and figure it's either be about money or the college process we're going through with Hannah. She wipes her hands on her pants and stands up and walks over to her coat that's hanging over on the back of my desk chair. Again, I am barely even paying attention to her and thought she was getting up just to get a wet paper towel for her itchy eyes.
She says something to me that I don't quite make out and when I look up she's standing there with a red box in her hand and she has tears welled in her eyes. She sits down next to me and is shaking like a leaf so badly she can barely open the box and when she finally does she puts it on the laptop right on front of me. She can't even form words and when she does she says "Yes, that is what you think it is."
In all honesty I thought it was another promise ring.
I stared at the ring gleaming back at me and I was trying to process what this was, what it meant, and holy shit, she is asking me to marry her!
I am not your typical girl. I did not have your typical reaction. I didn't shout "YES! YES YES YES YES!" and hold out my finger for her to put it on. Now looking back I don't even think I was breathing. And then I cried. I looked at her anxious expression with tears streaming down her face and I put my head in my hands and bawled. My heart was pounding out of my chest, I felt heat creeping through every inch of my body, and I unsuccessfully tried to quell the panic rising into my throat. All I could think was What am I going to tell my parents?
I'm sure this was not going according to her plan. And I had the same initial reaction to when she gave me my promise ring three years ago. Panic and dumbfoundedness.
This was quickly becoming that same situation all over again. I kept looking at her, trying to catch my breath all the while she is watching me. She says "Here, at least let me put it on." Mind you I haven't even spoken a word yet and I think if I let her put it on, that means I'm saying yes. Wait, AM I saying yes? We've talked about this. We've talked about our future and moving forward. I want this, right? Yes, I do want this. Oh my God, this is going to kill my parents.
She worries that I don't like the ring. The flood gates open and she starts rambling "If you don't like it I can return it. I thought it might be too small, but I don't think so. And I've had it for months, I've been paying it off. Hannah and Jillian helped me pick it out. And I told Susie in October at Katie's wedding. She told me that you love your promise ring but it always snags your clothes and I better not get anything that snags your clothes! And Luis knows. I told him. And Kaersten knows. So do Wendy and Lori. I showed them last night. I was asking everyone for their input on how to do this. I was going to do it when we went into the city. I was going to propose on the top of the ferris wheel in Toys R Us, or at the Top of the Rock at Rockefeller Center. But then I thought, oh I can't do this in public, what if it goes very very bad? And then Wendy suggested I do it somewhere that means something to us, that's comfortable. So I was going to do it tonight right before we left for dinner. I was going to hide your promise ring and when you went to look for it I was going to open the box and say 'Maybe you could wear this one instead.' But while we were sitting here my heart started to pound and I was about to be sick. I knew I couldn't wait another four hours. And by seeing how hard you're crying now I'm really glad I didn't do it in public or waited until tonight. I wanted to do it in October when we were in Philadelphia but I didn't want to take away from Katie's wedding. And then everything happened, the hurricane, and everything with your father. And.....and I thought to do it now because I thought you needed something good in your life."
She finally takes a breath and asks cautiously, "Do you like it?"
I slowly nod, trying to comprehend. I look down at my left finger that is now home to this engagement ring. And I start to cry again because I will miss my promise ring. My promise ring has been worn every day for the past 3 years and I loved it. I never got tired of looking at it, I never got tired of twisting it to catch the light so I can see the glint of the diamond. And now I wasn't going to wear it anymore. I get overly attached to my possessions and this would be no different. I felt like it was going to be sad that I no longer had a purpose for it, that I no longer had a use for it. I looked up at her while she dabbed her eyes and said "It truly is beautiful."
I started to calm down when I realized this wasn't going to change anything. This didn't mean we had to get married any time soon (or at all-we may be one of those couples who are engaged forever). I never thought marriage was in our cards. I said as much. She exclaimed "But it's all you've been talking about for months! All of these subtle hints about wanting to get married! You even had our sims get engaged!"
I did. I did talk about it a lot. And I did ring shop a bit. And I did think about it. But I never in a million years actually thought it would happen. Especially not now. Her timing is less than stellar with everything going on with my father, but I understand why she said that she wanted there to be something happy as well during the time of so much sadness. And I think that is so incredibly sweet that all she wants to do is try to make me happy, to try and be my bright spot throughout all of this.
After we calmed down I snuggled into her and kissed her. I whispered "Well hello there, my fiance!"
She laughed and said "Oh God! That's going to take some getting used to!"
Later while I was getting ready for dinner I joked about how she didn't even get down on one knee. She looked at me and said "If I had done that you would have been going 'what are you doing? Why are you on your knee. Please get up, PLEASE stand up!'" I laughed and said "Yeah, you're right. You can do it now though! Now I'm expecting it." So she got down on one knee, I handed her the ring back, and she proposed the right way (and I responded the right way).
We went to dinner where I played with the ring and we talked about how we could combine our last name. And when we got home my eyes flashed with excitement and asked "should I call my friends?" So we got my three best friends on speaker phone and I did a whole schpiel about getting together so I could...show them my engagement ring! H and K gasped (and H threatened me with bodily harm if she is not a bridesmaid), and S faked gasped since she already knew about it.
After I hung up the phone with Susie I was looking at my feet and I choked out "Thank you. I never thought that I would get to do that. After Katie called me back in June to tell me she was engaged I cried so hard thinking that this will never be me. And now it is. And I feel so...normal. Thank you for giving this to me." She wrapped me in her arms and we laid there on my couch. My fiance and me.
But yes. We are engaged. I woke up to a text one morning from Sheri that said "Good morning my beautiful fiance." And I smiled. Which is good. Because at least I didn't cry and panic.
Congratulations! I've been a lurker for a while, even back on AfterEllen, and am very happy for you both. Congrats :)
ReplyDelete