Going to the Chapel

Do you guys remember me telling you that I have no idea how to be a bride?  Or that I am not your average girl and that I have never once thought about planning a wedding?

Well, I was forced into it last weekend.  Yes Sheri and I have briefly discussed venues, and dresses, but most of the conversation has rotated solely around the food and dessert we'll serve.  Because we like to eat.

We've been engaged for a year, we're still 2 1/2 years away from our projected wedding date (we're aiming for first or second week of July 2016), so we haven't been taking anything too seriously.  And Lord knows we haven't saved a penny.  Kind of hard to do when both of us are unemployed.  Well, she's unemployed and I'm commissioned.  Not that that's any different.

It just seems as though the past few weeks the planning has kicked into high gear.  We found our wedding song, we determined that we are having one of my best friends sing and play piano during our cocktail hour, and we actually honed in on a venue courtesy of my sister.  We're going to check it out when it gets warmer and their renovations on the new dining hall are complete.

I don't want a traditional setting.  I want something different.  While I never really saw myself getting married, I knew at the very least I did not want a banquet hall...but here I am...going to look at a banquet hall....

There is a part of my that's taking this whole planning thing very lightly.  Part of me feels like I shouldn't get too invested, that it's not going to happen.  Not saying we won't be together, but I still don't see myself being a bride.  I can't picture it.

So last weekend I had my monthly visitor and I didn't want to sit on the couch like a bump on a log and watch TV all day.  I started to browse for something fun for us to do that would keep us out and about since it was going to be a mild sunny day.  While on the phone Friday night Sheri said out of nowhere, "Why don't we go look at wedding dresses?"

I laughed nervously.  "Whhhhyyy?"

She chuckled, knowing the panic was inching its way up my neck "Why not?"

"Because it never once crossed my mind to look for a dress."

"Yes, but it doesn't hurt to start looking," she pressed.

"You know one of two things will happen," I said, taking a deep breath.  "Either I am going to have a panic attack and want to rip my dress off like Carrie in Sex and the City, or I'm going to be elated and want to get married like, next week.....my money is on the first scenario."

Thank God Sheri understands me.  "I'm going to be like 'Where is Jennifer going?  Why is she running away from me?'"

I felt my pulse quicken at the thought of stepping into a bridal store.  "Seriously, I can't be the only person who panics like this.  This has to be somewhat normal, right?"

"Yes," she said, "you're called 'runaway brides.'"  I took a few deep breaths.  "You alright over there?"

"Yeah," I said unconvincingly, "just trying not to hyperventilate."

"We don't have to do it if you don't want to.  It's just a suggestion."

"No no, it's fine," I assured her.

She was quiet for a few seconds.  Then she said "You know they're going to think we're mother and daughter."

"Haha, yeah.  I'll make sure that they know you're the Other Bride."

Even though the topic changed my mind was still whirling the rest of the night.  I kept thinking how surreal this all was, wedding planning, dress shopping.  I never thought that would be me.  Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

I woke up Saturday morning with my stomach in knots.  *I'm going to try on wedding dresses today.  I am not going to panic.  I am going to be happy* I was chanting to myself.  I got in the shower, made myself resemble a put-together woman, and waited anxiously for Sheri to get here.  My stomach was doing flips, my face felt flushed and I swear I could feel each individual hive popping out on my chest and neck.  I was still getting ready when she walked in and she sat down at my computer with a devilish smile.  "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it.  Just turn your computer speakers on," she said slyly.

Back in the bathroom putting on makeup I hear an unmistakable song start up.  *Going to the chapel and we're, gonna get maaarriiieed...*  I poked my head around the corner and she sat at my computer with the widest smile on her face.  I rolled my eyes and finished getting ready.

We got in the car and headed to breakfast where I rambled on about nothing at all.  Sheri sat across from me, slightly bemused, slightly ready to chase me if I bolt.  We got in the car and headed east to David's Bridal and I assured her that I was perfectly fine.  We walked in and I could feel her watching me, gauging my reaction.  I walked confidently up to the greeter and asked if we could try on dresses.  Much to my dismay we could not since we did not have an appointment and she handed me a dress catalog and we made an appointment for a week later.

With adrenaline surging through me I suggested that we go to the Macy's Bridal Salon at the mall that we had just passed to see if we could just walk in there.  We were able to, and we were the only ones there.  This young girl who was very sweet helped us and picked out 4 dresses for me to try.  Sheri took her place in her seat and we went into the dressing room where I said "Just to clear up any confusion, that's not my mother sitting out there.  That's my fiance."

She smiled as she helped me into my first dress.  "I knew that.  I never thought for one second she was your mother."

"Oh good," I said as I tried to ignore the fact that I was standing there completely naked save for a pair of underwear. "We get mistaken for mother and daughter a lot so I didn't want there to be any confusion."  I tried not to make eye contact with her since my bare breasts were doing that just fine for me.  She grunted as she tried to fit me into a dress that was obviously far too small for me.  "It's ok, I don't need to breathe apparently," I joked.

"Obviously," she huffed, "this won't be an issue when the dress is sized for you."

"Good to hear.  Because I'd like to be able to eat on my wedding day and not bust."

Somehow she managed to stuff me in (by the way if you ever want to feel just terrible about yourself?  Go try on wedding dresses)

I stared at myself in the mirror in a dress of lace and taffeta.  I joked that I was going to pull a Carrie and she laughed knowingly.  I swished a little and stood there for a few more seconds and said quietly "I'm in a wedding dress!  And I'm not panicking!"  She smiled and asked if I was ready to show Sheri.  I nodded and she opened the door.  I expertly hiked up my skirts and tip toed into the showroom.

I saw Sheri's face and she wasn't impressed.  And I turned to the girl and said "See, this is why she's here.  Yes I'm wearing the dress but she has to look at me in it and so help me if I see her snarl her lip while I'm walking down the aisle I'm turning around."

I tried on the second dress which had a lace up corset.  I was impressed with how much more flattering it was on me and when I walked out I saw the approving look in Sheri's eyes. "That's much better than the first one."

Standing up on the podium I eyed the dress up and down.  From the sweetheart neckline, to the lace covered bodice I started to tear up.  If I start to cry it sends Sheri into a panic.  She sat upright and asked incredulously "Why are you crying?!"

I wiped my eyes and said "Because I'm in a dress!  And I look pretty!"  That made everyone laugh.

The third dress I was going to try on I didn't even get it up over my hips.  It was a stretch when I saw it on the hanger but I thought I'd go for it.  Nope.  She was just about to start closing me up and I said "Nope nope nope, not even going to bother."  She laughed and said at least I know what I want.

The fourth dress I tried on....I loved.  It is so light and comfortable, it has a slit up the right side lined with lace and the taffeta showing, and plus it has straps that criss-cross on my back.  I poked my head around the corner and flashed Sheri a blinding smile.  When I came into full view she nodded her head in approval. "Now THAT I like."

I looked at her "I know, I love it too."  There was a mother and daughter trying to figure out what veil to buy and they commented on how nice it looked on me.  I stared at myself in the mirror, picking out details that I'd customize to myself.  I stepped off the podium and shuffled towards Sheri and grabbed her face in my hands and gave her a kiss.  When I pulled away she look shocked and her eyes flashed in the direction of the mom.  I smirked at her and said "I love you my fiance."

I told her that I wouldn't let anyone think she was my mother.

Flash forward to today.  I wanted my family to be there while I was trying on dresses.  That's what normal brides do, right?  So when we made the appointment for today for David's Bridal I texted my two sisters, my sister-in-law, and my mother to clear their schedules, we were going wedding dress shopping!

I didn't anticipate it being as difficult as it was.  I had picked out 5 dresses out of the catalog over the course of the week, knowing that we were on a bit of a time crunch because my sister was bringing her baby and had a birthday party to go to later this afternoon.  I didn't want to take too long, I know it can be exhausting to sit there and see dress after dress after dress (trust me, it ain't no picnic writing about it either, just as arduous!)

Everyone had an opinion, none of them agreed on a dress.  And the dresses I loved, they didn't like, or the dresses they liked (one of them Sheri saw on a mannequin coming in and thought it was a gorgeous dress) I did NOT like at all.  And the ONE dress I loved, that had such gorgeous lace detail with crystals interwoven and was SO flattering, irritated my skin so much that it was impossible to wear it for a few minutes, let alone hours.

I walked away not feeling confident in anything and having my heart still set on that dress we saw in Macy's.  My one sister and SIL had to leave so it was just Sheri, my oldest sister, and my mother going to Macy's.  I knew they'd love the dress and once they saw me in it that they'd understand why I didn't like anything at David's Bridal.

I ran into the store, I quick got changed with the girl who helped me last week.  She zipped up the dress and I felt like it was perfect.  She criss-crossed the straps and I waded through the sea of estrogen to find Sheri and my mother and sister in chairs in a makeshift viewing area.  I stood up and smiled broadly and waited for the Oooos and Aahhhhs and *Oh Jennifer it's perfect!*  All I got was a scrunched up face from my mother and a "It's alright."  from my sister.  I was completely crestfallen and asked my mother why she didn't like it.

"I don't like the straps like that.  You look like a farmer wearing overalls."

The girl seeing my face said "Well you can fix the straps so they're normal going down her back."  She readjusted them and my mother said "Oh I like it that way much better."

I mumbled to the girl "Well I'm the one who has to wear it. I like that they were different with the straps in the X across my back."

"Normally I don't like to go against the mother of the bride but I do have to say you have to be comfortable in what you're wearing," she whispered back.

I stomped back into the dressing room still reeling from the rejection.  I looked at the dress one more time, by far the most favorite and top contender, but not something I'm 1000% sold on yet.  My fear is that we'll buy it and I'll find something better within the next year, or that we don't buy it in the hopes of finding something better and then they discontinue making the dress.

Is it a gamble I'm willing to take?  I might see what else is out there in other locations before I make this decision.  Is it the one?  It's the most flattering and most comfortable, I know that.  But is that enough?  Will it photograph well?  Will I stand out?  Will it be right for the venue we choose?....which we have no idea what it'll be yet.  Should I wait to find out where we're getting married so I can choose the best dress for the location, or should I choose the location based on the dress?  Or does none of it matter?

This, ladies, is why I never thought I'd get married.  Because I knew it'd be too stressful.  If I'm this bad 2+ years out...imagine how it'll be closer to the date.