The past few days have been surreal. Wait, the past week. Hold on kiddies, this is going to be a long one.
I waited around my apartment on Saturday for Sheri's call to come up that never came. I understand, her brothers were in town for only a few hours but damnit! I wanted to see them too! I busied myself with baking them cupcakes, playing the Sims for hours on end and watching TV the entire day until I gave up and went to bed.
Sunday was more of the same. I got up and went for a run since I sat on the couch all day Saturday and I felt like a lump. It did my head good to get out and get some fresh air. I showered and settled in to play the Sims again while I watched the clock tick by. She had told me around 2 PM that she was heading over to Doreen's house to have a small BBQ. I anticipated a phone call or a text once she got there that it hit her that her sister was gone but it never came. Occassionally she would call or text me for a few minutes to check up on me and I was asking how her day was with her brothers. She said that they were laughing and catching up. They were only there for a few hours and I was dropping subtle hints that I wanted to come up had enough of waiting so I texted her Would it be OK if I came up?
She texted me back Sure.
I didn't need any other prompting than that. Within minutes I was on the road speeding up to her house. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and tell her I loved her. And hang out with her brothers. I was there in record time and Sheri was sitting on the front step waiting for me. The sun was nearly set as she walked towards me and opened her arms. I buried my head in her shoulder. I asked if she was alright and she breathed into my hair that she was.
I followed her into the house and I could smell the fire burning in the fire pit. She said over her shoulder "Dennis doesn't remember you." I was slightly insulted but it has been nearly three years since I've met him. Before I could even step outside Dennis was running into the house for another beer. He practically knocked me over and said "Oh yeah! Now I remember you!!" and embraced me in a bear hug. Sheri guided me outside and I first said hello to the devil, er, her mother. Regardless of how I personally feel about her no parent should bury a child and my heart broke for her. Then, in the glow of the firelight this Mr. Clean looking man stood up. It was her oldest brother, Spencer (who is referred to as Duncan, their last name). I shook his hand and gave his wife a hug. Terri excitedly said "Oh we've heard so much about you!"
I chuckled and said "Good things I hope!"
I went back into the kitchen to pour myself a beer and Sheri and I were talking and she got this excited glisten in her eye and said "We're going to tell Dennis right now."
My stomach jumped and I nearly spit my drink out. "Wha...what? Now?" I stammered. I was nervous but couldn't stop smiling.
She smiled really big and ran to the backdoor. "Dennis! Can you come here for a second???"
He walked into the kitchen and saw my glass of Guinness settling. "What's the matter? You poured it right."
Oh silly man. He thought she called him in because I needed help pouring my beer.
Sheri kept smiling and pointed between her and I. "No, I wanted to tell you we're kind of umm, together."
"That's great!" Dennis said without missing a beat.
I started breathing again and Sheri continued "For 5 years. We were together when you were out here a few years ago. I was just too scared to tell you."
Dennis opened his arms and took us into a big hug. "Are you happy?" he asked.
"Yes," we answered.
"Good, then that's all that matters. And hellooooo, I'm from California. There's no need to be scared to tell me that you're in love!"
We stood there and chatted for a few more minutes and he asked Sheri "If I may ask, when did you know?"
"As soon as I saw her," she answered.
Dennis smiled bigger and said "That's great. That's just great."
I waited around my apartment on Saturday for Sheri's call to come up that never came. I understand, her brothers were in town for only a few hours but damnit! I wanted to see them too! I busied myself with baking them cupcakes, playing the Sims for hours on end and watching TV the entire day until I gave up and went to bed.
Sunday was more of the same. I got up and went for a run since I sat on the couch all day Saturday and I felt like a lump. It did my head good to get out and get some fresh air. I showered and settled in to play the Sims again while I watched the clock tick by. She had told me around 2 PM that she was heading over to Doreen's house to have a small BBQ. I anticipated a phone call or a text once she got there that it hit her that her sister was gone but it never came. Occassionally she would call or text me for a few minutes to check up on me and I was asking how her day was with her brothers. She said that they were laughing and catching up. They were only there for a few hours and I was dropping subtle hints that I wanted to come up had enough of waiting so I texted her Would it be OK if I came up?
She texted me back Sure.
I didn't need any other prompting than that. Within minutes I was on the road speeding up to her house. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and tell her I loved her. And hang out with her brothers. I was there in record time and Sheri was sitting on the front step waiting for me. The sun was nearly set as she walked towards me and opened her arms. I buried my head in her shoulder. I asked if she was alright and she breathed into my hair that she was.
I followed her into the house and I could smell the fire burning in the fire pit. She said over her shoulder "Dennis doesn't remember you." I was slightly insulted but it has been nearly three years since I've met him. Before I could even step outside Dennis was running into the house for another beer. He practically knocked me over and said "Oh yeah! Now I remember you!!" and embraced me in a bear hug. Sheri guided me outside and I first said hello to the devil, er, her mother. Regardless of how I personally feel about her no parent should bury a child and my heart broke for her. Then, in the glow of the firelight this Mr. Clean looking man stood up. It was her oldest brother, Spencer (who is referred to as Duncan, their last name). I shook his hand and gave his wife a hug. Terri excitedly said "Oh we've heard so much about you!"
I chuckled and said "Good things I hope!"
I went back into the kitchen to pour myself a beer and Sheri and I were talking and she got this excited glisten in her eye and said "We're going to tell Dennis right now."
My stomach jumped and I nearly spit my drink out. "Wha...what? Now?" I stammered. I was nervous but couldn't stop smiling.
She smiled really big and ran to the backdoor. "Dennis! Can you come here for a second???"
He walked into the kitchen and saw my glass of Guinness settling. "What's the matter? You poured it right."
Oh silly man. He thought she called him in because I needed help pouring my beer.
Sheri kept smiling and pointed between her and I. "No, I wanted to tell you we're kind of umm, together."
"That's great!" Dennis said without missing a beat.
I started breathing again and Sheri continued "For 5 years. We were together when you were out here a few years ago. I was just too scared to tell you."
Dennis opened his arms and took us into a big hug. "Are you happy?" he asked.
"Yes," we answered.
"Good, then that's all that matters. And hellooooo, I'm from California. There's no need to be scared to tell me that you're in love!"
We stood there and chatted for a few more minutes and he asked Sheri "If I may ask, when did you know?"
"As soon as I saw her," she answered.
Dennis smiled bigger and said "That's great. That's just great."
As the night went on Renee went into the house and I was able to sit out back and talk freely with Sheri and her brothers. Duncan's a character...he's got a past. But Dennis. I absolutely adore Dennis. He and Sheri are so eerily similar. As the night wore on Duncan and Terri retired just leaving Sheri, Dennis and I sitting in the back. We were able to be ourselves in front of them.
I cannot tell you how much of a breath of relief that was. We did a lot of laughing even though it was a very somber night. I'd occassionally glance across the backyard and think Doreen should be sitting here. A few beers in and with Sheri inside doing something Dennis and I were sitting on the swing pouring our hearts out to one another. We were both trying to choke back tears about the events of the upcoming days. I was saying "You have no idea what it was like to be here for five years and be pushed to the side. I couldn't look at her, I couldn't touch her as I brushed past her, I had to watch what I said so I didn't slip up and call her babe. And it breaks my heart that Doreen didn't know about us. I felt like she passed with this huge secret between Sheri and Doreen and it shouldn't be that way."
I asked him to hold her hand at the funeral since I couldn't. I said "I can't be there the way I want to be so I'm entrusting you to grab her hand if she starts to cry."
He said "Absolutely. I will do that for you."
I left shortly after that and felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders with two of her three brothers knowing.
Monday rolled around and I was on my way up there again. Duncan and Terri had left so it would just be Dennis there. No problems, he's my favorite anyways. It was just the three of us again sitting by the fire as the night wore on. Sheri and I were sitting on the swing and Dennis was sitting on the chair next to us. She had her hand on my knee and my hand was underneath her leg and we just were swinging and talking like it was the most natural thing in the world. I don't think it was possible to be more in love with her at that moment. She sat there with the glow of the fire flickering across her face and I could see her eyes were sad but she also seemed at peace. I admire their strength and how they have dealt with everything.
Tuesday came and went and then Wednesday was the wake. My stomach was lurching as I drove home from work anticipating what I was going to be met with. I am thankful that I ended up going to the later viewing because I feel like it gave Sheri and her family time at the earlier viewing to acclamate to the environment. I pulled up to the funeral home and took a deep cleansing breath, checked my makeup, and walked through the door. I saw Emily, Doreen's daughter and gave her a huge hug. I whispered "I'm so sorry," because if I said it any louder I would have broken down.
She hugged me back and said "Ooo, you smell good."
I don't know how they do it. I'd be a sobbing mess.
Sheri rounded the doorway and she saw my face. "You ok? You ready?"
"Yeah," I answered unconvincingly. "I'm ok, just give me a second." She guided me through the door and I quickly glanced to my left and saw the sheen of the wood casket. I looked away quickly and actually sought out Renee who was holding these tiny little Mary Janes that were Doreen's when she had just started walking. I sat down next to her and we started talking. It was early yet, just turned 7 PM and the funeral home was still relatively empty. As I sat there I stared at the casket and Sheri came over to get me and asked "Are you good? Do you want to go up and see her?" I nodded, wiping my tears away.
Her youngest, Jillian, and her oldest, Hannah, took either one of my arms to lead me up. I wasn't close to Doreen by any means but I loved her nonetheless simply for being Sheri's sister. I knelt down in front of the coffin and I felt the relief as I looked upon her. I glanced over my shoulder to Sheri and whispered She looks good!I said my prayers in my mind. I didn't really know what else to say. I apologized for her never knowing about us while she was alive but I hoped that had she known she would have been OK with it and see how happy her sister was. I prayerd for her spirit and that she watch over her family. My eyes started to well up and I didn't want to take up any more time for those people who knew her better so I did the Sign of the Cross and got up.
Within minutes the entire place was packed. By 7:15 there was a line out into the lobby for all of the lives that Doreen touched. We got blocked into the corner as everyone slowly shuffled passed us, paying their respects to Renee and Sheri. I was able to stay with Sheri as the two hours ticked by. Slowly everyone filtered out after realizing that they weren't going to have everyone sit and say prayers as they normally do. Sheri scoffed when I asked and said "Please, Doreen would have hated that. She would want everyone just to talk and laugh and be easy."
It was a little after 9 and there was only a handful of us left, mostly Doreen's son and daughter, their spouses and a one or two friends. It was that time to say their final goodbyes. The last time they'd ever lay eyes on Doreen's face. Jillian, God bless her heart, was hysterical crying. She tugged on my arm to come up and say goodbye but I said "No Jill, you guys can go, this is the time for family."
"But you are family!" She wailed.
"Maybe, but Dor Dor didn't know that."
"So tell her now!"
Sheri took her by the hand and lead her and Hannah up to the casket and I let my tears flow freely as she stood there in the middle and one arm around each of them. After a minute or so they came back to me and I opened my arms up to Jillian. She crawled into my lap still sobbing and Hannah sat next to me silently crying. Sheri sat down on my left and her eyes were welled up and overflowing which was one of the hardest things I had to see. I put my hand on her leg for support while my right hand was running through Hannah's hair. We sat there, the four of us, our own little family unit with quivering lips and crying eyes. We stayed like that for maybe a good ten minutes while Sheri's gaze was fixed on her sister. Jillian, exhausted, was completely undone. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight just trying to console her but it was useless. Sheri broke our trance and said "Alright, let's get you on the road."
Slowly we got up and she walked me to my car. I went home that night with my heart absolutely broken for them, even more so for Jillian who is just so young and so hurt.
I woke up early Thursday to get ready for the funeral. I picked up our friend Luis and I was recounting to him the events of the night prior. He didn't know what to expect as this was his first funeral that he's ever been to. We pulled up to the Church and it was this little tiny thing, not like these huge monstrocities that are built now to house hundreds of people. This maybe could have only held 100 people comfortably. Sheri had already taken her place in the second pew with Dennis and Hannah so Luis and I were forced to sit three rows behind her. She turned and caught my eye and gave me a half smile and just looked so sad. The service though was absolutely beautiful. No frills, no big to do, just how Doreen would have wanted it. Her husband, Warren, spoke first and recounted the story of a headstrong teenager introducing herself to him and not taking a no for an answer when asking him out. He is a man of few words, a serious man, but he spoke very eloquently and lovingly of his wife. Dean was next, telling stories of Doreen's beloved JEEP that she unwillingly let her son Christopher drive when he had first gotten his license. That was short lived after he backed the JEEP up right onto the hood of his own car. The stories they told had the church echoing with laughter. I did feel a sadness because I wish I knew the woman that they spoke of. I only met Doreen after she got sick, and even then I saw her twice a year. We didn't speak much aside from a few quick remarks she would make. Last October while Sheri and I were down in LBI for my birthday we stumbled upon this awesome 3 level birdhouse that was actually a made into a light. Sheri placed it on a corner next to her fireplace and at Thanksgiving last year Doreen dryly quipped "What did Sheri going to do with this, make it a bird hotel?"
After the burial we had the repass at an Italian restaurant which Sheri and I will be revisiting. There was about 55 people who came and you never would have been able to tell we had just came from a funeral. Sheri, Luis, the girls and I and Sheri's friend Judy sat at our own table. At one point in the afternoon Sheri actually reached under the table and put her hand on my knee. That light touch awakened such a spark in me that I think I lit up the entire room.
Afterwards she invited us back to the house. Luis and I took Jillian back to the house and got there first with Sheri, Dennis, and the Hannah shortly to follow. Now remember, we just buried their sister and Hannah came running up to me and said "Uncle Dennis said he'll be your donor!!"
Oh yes, that's totally a normal conversation to have right after a funeral. Apparently on the car ride back it was mentioned that we wanted a baby and for Dennis to be the donor so it'd be genetically linked to Sheri and the girls. He saw no problem in it and said "I gotta ask the wife first, but why the hell not!" I'd jokingly say "Hey Baby Daddy, you want a beer?"
Well, the excitement was short lived because the next day after he returned home and told his wife she kindly reminded him that he was fixed some 20 years prior. So, there goes that idea. I told Sheri she needs to tell Dean because he's our plan B.
After we had changed out of our funeral clothes we were sitting around the table and Dennis let it leak that he had told their cousin John about Sheri and I. So it's happening people, the walls are coming down. Things will be out in the open soon enough and all I can say is it's about damn time.
I cannot tell you how much of a breath of relief that was. We did a lot of laughing even though it was a very somber night. I'd occassionally glance across the backyard and think Doreen should be sitting here. A few beers in and with Sheri inside doing something Dennis and I were sitting on the swing pouring our hearts out to one another. We were both trying to choke back tears about the events of the upcoming days. I was saying "You have no idea what it was like to be here for five years and be pushed to the side. I couldn't look at her, I couldn't touch her as I brushed past her, I had to watch what I said so I didn't slip up and call her babe. And it breaks my heart that Doreen didn't know about us. I felt like she passed with this huge secret between Sheri and Doreen and it shouldn't be that way."
I asked him to hold her hand at the funeral since I couldn't. I said "I can't be there the way I want to be so I'm entrusting you to grab her hand if she starts to cry."
He said "Absolutely. I will do that for you."
I left shortly after that and felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders with two of her three brothers knowing.
Monday rolled around and I was on my way up there again. Duncan and Terri had left so it would just be Dennis there. No problems, he's my favorite anyways. It was just the three of us again sitting by the fire as the night wore on. Sheri and I were sitting on the swing and Dennis was sitting on the chair next to us. She had her hand on my knee and my hand was underneath her leg and we just were swinging and talking like it was the most natural thing in the world. I don't think it was possible to be more in love with her at that moment. She sat there with the glow of the fire flickering across her face and I could see her eyes were sad but she also seemed at peace. I admire their strength and how they have dealt with everything.
Tuesday came and went and then Wednesday was the wake. My stomach was lurching as I drove home from work anticipating what I was going to be met with. I am thankful that I ended up going to the later viewing because I feel like it gave Sheri and her family time at the earlier viewing to acclamate to the environment. I pulled up to the funeral home and took a deep cleansing breath, checked my makeup, and walked through the door. I saw Emily, Doreen's daughter and gave her a huge hug. I whispered "I'm so sorry," because if I said it any louder I would have broken down.
She hugged me back and said "Ooo, you smell good."
I don't know how they do it. I'd be a sobbing mess.
Sheri rounded the doorway and she saw my face. "You ok? You ready?"
"Yeah," I answered unconvincingly. "I'm ok, just give me a second." She guided me through the door and I quickly glanced to my left and saw the sheen of the wood casket. I looked away quickly and actually sought out Renee who was holding these tiny little Mary Janes that were Doreen's when she had just started walking. I sat down next to her and we started talking. It was early yet, just turned 7 PM and the funeral home was still relatively empty. As I sat there I stared at the casket and Sheri came over to get me and asked "Are you good? Do you want to go up and see her?" I nodded, wiping my tears away.
Her youngest, Jillian, and her oldest, Hannah, took either one of my arms to lead me up. I wasn't close to Doreen by any means but I loved her nonetheless simply for being Sheri's sister. I knelt down in front of the coffin and I felt the relief as I looked upon her. I glanced over my shoulder to Sheri and whispered She looks good!I said my prayers in my mind. I didn't really know what else to say. I apologized for her never knowing about us while she was alive but I hoped that had she known she would have been OK with it and see how happy her sister was. I prayerd for her spirit and that she watch over her family. My eyes started to well up and I didn't want to take up any more time for those people who knew her better so I did the Sign of the Cross and got up.
Within minutes the entire place was packed. By 7:15 there was a line out into the lobby for all of the lives that Doreen touched. We got blocked into the corner as everyone slowly shuffled passed us, paying their respects to Renee and Sheri. I was able to stay with Sheri as the two hours ticked by. Slowly everyone filtered out after realizing that they weren't going to have everyone sit and say prayers as they normally do. Sheri scoffed when I asked and said "Please, Doreen would have hated that. She would want everyone just to talk and laugh and be easy."
It was a little after 9 and there was only a handful of us left, mostly Doreen's son and daughter, their spouses and a one or two friends. It was that time to say their final goodbyes. The last time they'd ever lay eyes on Doreen's face. Jillian, God bless her heart, was hysterical crying. She tugged on my arm to come up and say goodbye but I said "No Jill, you guys can go, this is the time for family."
"But you are family!" She wailed.
"Maybe, but Dor Dor didn't know that."
"So tell her now!"
Sheri took her by the hand and lead her and Hannah up to the casket and I let my tears flow freely as she stood there in the middle and one arm around each of them. After a minute or so they came back to me and I opened my arms up to Jillian. She crawled into my lap still sobbing and Hannah sat next to me silently crying. Sheri sat down on my left and her eyes were welled up and overflowing which was one of the hardest things I had to see. I put my hand on her leg for support while my right hand was running through Hannah's hair. We sat there, the four of us, our own little family unit with quivering lips and crying eyes. We stayed like that for maybe a good ten minutes while Sheri's gaze was fixed on her sister. Jillian, exhausted, was completely undone. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight just trying to console her but it was useless. Sheri broke our trance and said "Alright, let's get you on the road."
Slowly we got up and she walked me to my car. I went home that night with my heart absolutely broken for them, even more so for Jillian who is just so young and so hurt.
I woke up early Thursday to get ready for the funeral. I picked up our friend Luis and I was recounting to him the events of the night prior. He didn't know what to expect as this was his first funeral that he's ever been to. We pulled up to the Church and it was this little tiny thing, not like these huge monstrocities that are built now to house hundreds of people. This maybe could have only held 100 people comfortably. Sheri had already taken her place in the second pew with Dennis and Hannah so Luis and I were forced to sit three rows behind her. She turned and caught my eye and gave me a half smile and just looked so sad. The service though was absolutely beautiful. No frills, no big to do, just how Doreen would have wanted it. Her husband, Warren, spoke first and recounted the story of a headstrong teenager introducing herself to him and not taking a no for an answer when asking him out. He is a man of few words, a serious man, but he spoke very eloquently and lovingly of his wife. Dean was next, telling stories of Doreen's beloved JEEP that she unwillingly let her son Christopher drive when he had first gotten his license. That was short lived after he backed the JEEP up right onto the hood of his own car. The stories they told had the church echoing with laughter. I did feel a sadness because I wish I knew the woman that they spoke of. I only met Doreen after she got sick, and even then I saw her twice a year. We didn't speak much aside from a few quick remarks she would make. Last October while Sheri and I were down in LBI for my birthday we stumbled upon this awesome 3 level birdhouse that was actually a made into a light. Sheri placed it on a corner next to her fireplace and at Thanksgiving last year Doreen dryly quipped "What did Sheri going to do with this, make it a bird hotel?"
After the burial we had the repass at an Italian restaurant which Sheri and I will be revisiting. There was about 55 people who came and you never would have been able to tell we had just came from a funeral. Sheri, Luis, the girls and I and Sheri's friend Judy sat at our own table. At one point in the afternoon Sheri actually reached under the table and put her hand on my knee. That light touch awakened such a spark in me that I think I lit up the entire room.
Afterwards she invited us back to the house. Luis and I took Jillian back to the house and got there first with Sheri, Dennis, and the Hannah shortly to follow. Now remember, we just buried their sister and Hannah came running up to me and said "Uncle Dennis said he'll be your donor!!"
Oh yes, that's totally a normal conversation to have right after a funeral. Apparently on the car ride back it was mentioned that we wanted a baby and for Dennis to be the donor so it'd be genetically linked to Sheri and the girls. He saw no problem in it and said "I gotta ask the wife first, but why the hell not!" I'd jokingly say "Hey Baby Daddy, you want a beer?"
Well, the excitement was short lived because the next day after he returned home and told his wife she kindly reminded him that he was fixed some 20 years prior. So, there goes that idea. I told Sheri she needs to tell Dean because he's our plan B.
After we had changed out of our funeral clothes we were sitting around the table and Dennis let it leak that he had told their cousin John about Sheri and I. So it's happening people, the walls are coming down. Things will be out in the open soon enough and all I can say is it's about damn time.
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